Back of Book Blurb

[JT Woody]

I am finally at that point where all roads lead back to the dreaded blurb (Bowker asks for a "book description", KDP needs it, the back cover needs it), so here I am!

I'd like some thoughts/feedback in this 134 word blurb-thingy:

On the desert planet of Diadasos, dutiful young nomad, Olun will do anything to end the plague killing off her clan, including sacrificing herself to the Dark Lady of Death. But when she is offered a chance at life in the Ithoumi Village tucked away in the mountains, survivors' guilt and lack of purpose give her pause. The Ithoumi want her to be their Elder, but Olun wants only to return to her people either as their savior or their sacrifice.​

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Until she meets Didan. The scarred madman who once held the title of Elder, brings up conflicting feelings of fear and curiosity in Olun, forcing her to confront nightmares of a mysterious figure and pain long buried. When he sets his sight on Olun, she must make the ultimate decision: Life or Death.​

 

[Homer Potvin]

I am finally at that point where all roads lead back to the dreaded blurb (Bowker asks for a "book description", KDP needs it, the back cover needs it), so here I am!

I'd like some thoughts/feedback in this 134 word blurb-thingy:

On the desert planet of Diadasos, dutiful young nomad, Olun will do anything to end the plague killing off her clan, including sacrificing herself to the Dark Lady of Death. But when she is offered a chance at life in the Ithoumi Village tucked away in the mountains, survivors' guilt and lack of purpose give her pause. The Ithoumi want her to be their Elder, but Olun wants only to return to her people either as their savior or their sacrifice.​

​

Until she meets Didan. The scarred madman who once held the title of Elder, brings up conflicting feelings of fear and curiosity in Olun, forcing her to confront nightmares of a mysterious figure and pain long buried. When he sets his sight on Olun, she must make the ultimate decision: Life or Death.​

I'd suggest putting more about the story and less about the character's journey, which isn't very eye-catching. I'm not sure how many people scanning a dozen blurbs are going to want to pick the one with survivor's guilt and repressed pain. Not that you can't include some of that, but the story doesn't appear to be about much else as described.

I'd be more interested about the plague killing all the villagers. Not sure if there's another hook, but that's the most obvious one I'm seeing. And if words are precious, you can ditch the "desert planet" and "tucked into the mountains" parts. Those aren't relevant at the blurb level.

 

[CatrionaGrace]

Olun will do anything to end the plague killing off her clan, including sacrificing herself to the Dark Lady of Death.

There's your hook. Don't bury it with the beginning of that sentence.

1. Olun will do anything to end the plague killing off her clan, including sacrificing herself to the Dark Lady of Death.

2. She turns out to be unwilling after all, and abdicates her responsibility to her tribe in favor of safey in the mountains with a different tribe.

3. She regrets her decision and wants to go home: death is preferable to the listlessness of safety.

4. A former elder of the safe tribe forces her to confront nightmares of a mysterious figure and pain long buried.

5. She must make a life and death decision.

Did I understand those points correctly?

 

[JT Woody]

1. Olun will do anything to end the plague killing off her clan, including sacrificing herself to the Dark Lady of Death.

2. She turns out to be unwilling after all, and abdicates her responsibility to her tribe in favor of safey in the mountains with a different tribe.

3. She regrets her decision and wants to go home: death is preferable to the listlessness of safety.

4. A former elder of the safe tribe forces her to confront nightmares of a mysterious figure and pain long buried.

5. She must make a life and death decision.

Did I understand those points correctly?

1. Yes
2. Sort of
3. Yes (minus the listlessness. More so guilt)
4. Yes
5. Yes

Back to the drawing board, i go!

 

[Homer Potvin]

There's your hook. Don't bury it with the beginning of that sentence.

1. Olun will do anything to end the plague killing off her clan, including sacrificing herself to the Dark Lady of Death.

2. She turns out to be unwilling after all, and abdicates her responsibility to her tribe in favor of safey in the mountains with a different tribe.

3. She regrets her decision and wants to go home: death is preferable to the listlessness of safety.

4. A former elder of the safe tribe forces her to confront nightmares of a mysterious figure and pain long buried.

5. She must make a life and death decision.

Did I understand those points correctly?

Riffing off Cat's points here, I would say only 1 and 4 are blurb relevant. The other three could apply to almost any novel if you fiddle with the details. I mean, not every book involves a literal life or death decision, but they usually have something of critical importance. And not everybody shirks the call to action by moving to a different village, but there is always some hesitancy somewhere. I would focus on what elements of your story make it unique outside of the to-be-expected character arc/journey.