How to not be repetitive with titles in dialogue (Your Highness, My Prince, Sir, etc.)?

[aside_dish]

Title pretty much sums it up. Have a story where there's a pruncd, and I guess I'm trying to figure out how to not have his sycophants start or end each line with, "Your Highness."

Likewise, I have a few characters whose titles are "Headsman ___." There's Headsman Byron, Headsman Dickory, Head Headsman Man, etc. And I don't really want to just call them Byron, Dickory, and Man.

Any tips for making it not seem so repetitive?

 

[Trish]

Have people call them Larry, Moe, Curly? I jest.

I think any sycophants are going to call them whatever they most prefer to be called since that's most likely to keep their heads attached or whatever. Maybe the prince doesn't like being called Your Highness and instead wants to be called Lord Bob, Bob for short. Maybe the thing he says he wants to be called varies not by the person saying it, but rather by his mood? Honestly the possibilities are endless.

 

[Banespawn]

It isn't necessary to use the honorific every time an underling speaks to the king/prince. When first called upon, the underling might respond with the honorific. And if the king/prince issues a command, again, the underling might respond with the honorific. Everything in between probably doesn't need it unless it's a lengthy conversation. Treat it similar to dialogue tags when two people are talking. Throw one in every so often just to remind the reader.

Regarding the headsmen, I would drop the title once it has been established. I would also change Headsman Man's name. Byron and Dickory are fine.

 

[Naomasa298]

Sire (although this is usually reserved for sovereigns), Sir, Your Highness, Prince Bob, my lord, (not calling them anything at all), my prince...

 

[aside_dish]

not calling them anything at all

Ah, I see you've found my method of speaking to my future in-laws without it sounding awkward. But yeah, I think this may be the way to go. As @Banespawn suggested, using the title in limited circumstances as a reminder, but otherwise leaving it out.

Have people call them Larry, Moe, Curly? I jest.

I think any sycophants are going to call them whatever they most prefer to be called since that's most likely to keep their heads attached or whatever. Maybe the prince doesn't like being called Your Highness and instead wants to be called Lord Bob, Bob for short. Maybe the thing he says he wants to be called varies not by the person saying it, but rather by his mood? Honestly the possibilities are endless.

I will say, this now has me thinking of having a different royal who is super serious about their titles.

"Your Highness-"

"Your Highness? Lord Fauntleroy, I didn't spend six years fending off the southern invasion just to be called Your Highness! I earned all my titles, damn it."

"Apologies, Your H-" he paused. "My King, First of His Name, Lord of the Southlands, Lover of the Birds Both Wingless and Winged, Commander of the First Army, and Protector of the Realm."

It isn't necessary to use the honorific every time an underling speaks to the king/prince. When first called upon, the underling might respond with the honorific. And if the king/prince issues a command, again, the underling might respond with the honorific. Everything in between probably doesn't need it unless it's a lengthy conversation. Treat it similar to dialogue tags when two people are talking. Throw one in every so often just to remind the reader.

Regarding the headsmen, I would drop the title once it has been established. I would also change Headsman Man's name. Byron and Dickory are fine.

I will not tolerate Head Headsman Man slander!

In all seriousness, it's a name that some people absolutely hate, but I've had tons of readers tell me I needed to keep it. It fits the ridiculous tone of my story (for fuck's sake, I have an executioner named Garumund Executionerson, lol).

 

[Mr Mononoke]

As was stated by a member above, you don't have to use titles in all the dialogue and you can chop off the end of dialogues if the scene is ending.

What is important to note, is that if you find it irritating to write, the reader will find it annoying to read, so limiting down the use of 'Your Highness,' etc is a job in the editing phase.

If I may use your example as how I would edit some of the name calling out (you have a very chirpy style and tone in this short... it's good

"Your Highness-"

"Your Highness? Lord Fauntleroy, I didn't spend six years fending off the southern invasion just to be called Your Highness! I earned all my titles, damn it."

"Apologies, Your H-" he paused. "My King, First of His Name, Lord of the Southlands, Lover of the Birds Both Wingless and Winged, Commander of the First Army, and Protector of the Realm."

Sorry, I couldn't quite understand your last part, but I take that as an exaggeration to everyone, but you can cut a lot of the repeating down and it doesn't change the message you want the reader to take. You may lose a little of the style you wish to convey, but cutting is sometimes needed so it maybe a compromise and decisions you need to make to keep a certain tone in your storytelling, to cutting off repeats that can frustrate a reader.

 

[Dante Dases]

Someone who uses titles well - to the point they augment rather than detract from dialogue - is Bernard Cornwell in his Saxon stories. 'Lord' is interspersed regularly, but it feels organic and proper, along with other titles as appropriate. I'd recommend doing two things. Firstly, reading his work, and secondly listening to the dialogue via an audiobook or some such. Does it sound right? That's the key - whether something has that ring of authenticity. It might look odd on the page, but can you actually hear someone saying it? If you can, then that's what you need. Natural, not forced.

The example you used above, shorn of additional context, actually works well for me. I can hear a bit of sarcasm in there, some forced over-politeness that hints at insubordination. The over-abundance of titles - provided that's not how every interaction works - adds flavour and feels authentic.