In need of a good brainstorm session!

[JT Woody]

You know how you revise and edit and rewrite.... and as you make your way through the manuscript, what you had written BEFORE no longer meshes well after your revisions to the previous chapters?

Yeah, im at the point right now and have been thinking all morning and so far this afternoon about how to get from point A to point B.

Original:

1. MCs, antagonist, and prominent side characters and fillers travel down a trade route to trade with a near by seasonal settlement
2. bad luck happens on their way back
3. antagonist publicly blames the FMC
4. filler characters start to turn against her
5. Big Side Character (brother of the MMC and leader of the group) tells FMC he'd put a stop to it and goes to confront the antagonist
6. He doesnt return
7. FMC implicates the antagonist, but because she's the only one who knew he was going off to confront her, and they all dont trust her, they dont believe her.
8. they blame her and her "curse" for his disappearance
9. FMC goes off to find the antagonist to set things right
10. There is confrontation (where antagonist admits to everything and more),
11. they fight, antagonist believes she succeeded in killing the FMC and goes back to the village claiming the FMC and the Brother ran off together.
12. FMC wakes up in the underworld
13. [insert plot stuff, and resolutions and yadda yadda yadda, THE END]

With my rewrite, the travelling party is deleted. there is no reason for them to travel (that i can think of).
Instead:

1. they stay in the village
2. bad stuff happens
3. the antagonist blames the FMC
4. the villagers turn against her in a witch hunt (incited by the antagonist)
5. the village chief makes the hard decision to send her away to maintain peace in the superstitious village
6. MMC and Brother (and brothers family) rally around her
7. ... SOME HOW the brother goes missing
8. .... SOME HOW the FMC confronts the antagonist
9. .... SOME HOW they fight and the FMC flees Snow White style into the wilds
10. the antagonist goes back to the village claiming the FMC and the Brother ran off together.
11. FMC wakes up in the underworld
12. [insert plot stuff, and resolutions and yadda yadda yadda, THE END]

its like i'm ALMOST there.... but not quite

(note: its important that the brother goes missing, because the FMC finds him in the underworld and tells her EVERYTHING that went down as they try to get out)
((also: i may or may not have been in this exact same position with this exact same sequence looooooooong ago on one of the WFs, so apologies if you've seen this before))

 

[Naomasa298]

What is the brother, like, what does he do?

And when you say underworld, do you mean a criminal underworld, or a literal world underground?

 

[JT Woody]

What is the brother, like, what does he do?

The brother is the FMC's guardian figure.
The FMC is a priestess, and the MMC's brother is appointed her guardian, to make sure she does her job and that nothing happens to her.
He's also the village chief's eldest son and is well respected in the village.

And when you say underworld, do you mean a criminal underworld, or a literal world underground?

the place you go to when you die, lol

(although, technically, in this setting, the "underworld" is basically Limbo... where souls go before they cross over to the After Life.)

 

[Naomasa298]

The brother is the FMC's guardian figure.
The FMC is a priestess, and the MMC's brother is appointed her guardian, to make sure she does her job and that nothing happens to her.
He's also the village chief's eldest son and is well respected in the village.

Could he just disappear? As in, he's around one minute, then nobody knows where he is. Or do you need something more dramatic? Then leave the manner of his death to be revealed when she meets him in the underworld. Without knowing your world, it's kinda hard to suggest a death by outside influences, for example. I'm also not sure if you mean he's actually dead when he's in the underworld.

 

[JT Woody]

Could he just disappear? As in, he's around one minute, then nobody knows where he is. Or do you need something more dramatic? Then leave the manner of his death to be revealed when she meets him in the underworld. Without knowing your world, it's kinda hard to suggest a death by outside influences, for example. I'm also not sure if you mean he's actually dead when he's in the underworld.

not really dramatic... the confrontation between the brother and the antagonist happens off page. all the FMC (and readers) know is that he went after the antagonist and never came back.
the FMC knows the antagonist had something to do with it, but no one knows if the brother is alive or dead. just... he never came back. in the original, it was easy to put him in a position to go missing (because they were traveling outside of the village).
In this version, with them in the village, im having trouble setting up the confrontation (that still happens off page) that leads to his disappearance
(i also forgot to add that after he goes missing, the MMC joins the search party to find him... which leaves the FMC alone to confront the antagonist about the brother's wherabouts).

The FMC only finds out he's been murdered after she finds him in the underworld (perhaps "sprit world" is much better...) and realizes he cant leave and the brother leads her back to his physical body.

 

[Naomasa298]

Could he go hunting or on a patrol to check the village's defences? Or maybe he goes to the antagonist's place to "have a word" and never comes back?

 

[JT Woody]

Or maybe he goes to the antagonist's place to "have a word"

i could make this work

6. MMC and Brother (and brothers family) rally around her

the FMC wants to go confront antagonist about the unfair rumors that gets her banished... but the brother is like "nah, you stay out of it and let me handle this"
and things fall into place (hopefully)

 

[Mr Mononoke]

This may seem a very unhelpful suggestion but I think there is a premise to create a good twist in the end or annoying hook for the reader.

1. the antagonist blames the FMC
2. the villagers turn against her in a witch hunt (incited by the antagonist)
3. the village chief makes the hard decision to send her away to maintain peace in the superstitious village
4. MMC and Brother (and brothers family) rally around her
5. ... SOME HOW the brother goes missing
6. .... SOME HOW the FMC confronts the antagonist
7. .... SOME HOW they fight and the FMC flees Snow White style into the wilds
8. the antagonist goes back to the village claiming the FMC and the Brother ran off together.
9. FMC wakes up in the underworld

5. Just start this section that the brother has gone missing.

Give no explanation at all and this will place a huge question mark for the reader.

You can jump straight to 6 with the FMC confronting the antagonist regarding the mysterious disappearance of the brother. Since they both don't like each other and the antagonist really had no idea what happened to the brother, this will only fuel their hatred and suspicions on each other.

The FMC will think that everything the antagonist does are lies, whilst the antagonist thinks the FMC and brother have a vendetta against them thus backing up 8 where the antagonist claims FMC and Brother ran off together.

Why the Brother went missing can be something simple, but I think the point is that by being deliberately unclear, you build up the conflict between all characters by creating distrust that will spice up their feelings against each other.

 

[Banespawn]

1. they stay in the village
2. bad stuff happens
3. the antagonist blames the FMC
4. the villagers turn against her in a witch hunt (incited by the antagonist)
5. the village chief makes the hard decision to send her away to maintain peace in the superstitious village
6. MMC and Brother (and brothers family) rally around her
7. ... SOME HOW the brother goes missing
8. .... SOME HOW the FMC confronts the antagonist
9. .... SOME HOW they fight and the FMC flees Snow White style into the wilds
10. the antagonist goes back to the village claiming the FMC and the Brother ran off together.
11. FMC wakes up in the underworld
12. [insert plot stuff, and resolutions and yadda yadda yadda, THE END]

How much of the story is represented by 1-11 and how much by #12?

I don't get a sense from any of this that the characters have actual goals that they are pursuing. Is the story supposed to be about her efforts to escape from the underworld? Is ending up there the inciting incident? If so, then I would cut most of 1-10 and have #11 start much sooner.

 

[JT Woody]

How much of the story is represented by 1-11 and how much by #12?

I don't get a sense from any of this that the characters have actual goals that they are pursuing. Is the story supposed to be about her efforts to escape from the underworld? Is ending up there the inciting incident? If so, then I would cut most of 1-10 and have #11 start much sooner.

Oh, the main post is the end of the novel, not the outline for the whole thing
Throughout the begining. It establishes the antognist and her motives. The MCs and their goals.
#1 and on is closing the lose ends and characters getting closure as the story concludes

but I think the point is that by being deliberately unclear, you build up the conflict between all characters by creating distrust that will spice up their feelings against each other.

This happens earlier on.
The brother's wife is sickly and the FMC has reason to suspect the atagonist is drugging her. She confides in the brother about it and it causes conflict between him.and the antagonist (but there is no proof). They alresdy distrust each other by this point.