Need advice on writing an alcoholic character

[autoxys]

(This might belong in research instead, whoops)

So in my current project the MC's dad is not dealing well at all with the death of his wife, so now he's an alcoholic. You know, the classic setup. My problem is that I have somehow dodged ever knowing an alcoholic individual personally, so I have no idea how to write this.

I want to make sure I do my due diligence and write this sensitively as I know it's a heavy topic, but aside from reading general overviews of what alcoholism is on like drugabuse.com I really don't have any idea how to research the nitty gritty details, like the specifics of how it affects the parent/child family dynamic, or the person's behaviour around their substance of choice. I know that this character is an alcoholic, because that's what makes the most sense for him as a character and what I want to do with him, but I have no idea what that looks like or how that affects the daily lives of him and MC.

If y'all have any advice or resources or recommended reading you can point me towards I'd owe you my life.

 

[Hammer]

so now he's an alcoholic

That's not how it works. Alcoholism is, fundamentally, a disfunctional way of processing alcohol. Some heavy drinkers are alcoholic, some aren't. Some alcoholics are heavy drinkers, some aren't.

This very week I have attended the funeral of one of my greatest friends. He was a heavy and habitual drinker. He died of cirrhosis of the liver. wasn't alcoholic. Tomorrow I am seeing another good friend, who is.

I can't point you to any resources as such, but I think you need to get inside your character's head and decide how a love of booze is destroying him and distancing him from friends and family; it isn't quite the same as alcoholism.

 

[autoxys]

That's not how it works. Alcoholism is, fundamentally, a disfunctional way of processing alcohol. Some heavy drinkers are alcoholic, some aren't. Some alcoholics are heavy drinkers, some aren't.

Sorry, I was being a bit tongue in cheek there. I'm aware it's more complicated than that, but thank you for the correction.

I can't point you to any resources as such, but I think you need to get inside your character's head and decide how a love of booze is destroying him and distancing him from friends and family; it isn't quite the same as alcoholism.

Thanks for the advice, that's a good tip. His whole deal is the reliance on a mind altering substance (didn't have to be alcohol, that's just what was most easily available to him) to manage intense negative emotions.

 

[Naomasa298]

I've known, or known of two alcoholics. One was my friend's uncle. I didn't know him personally, but he thought nothing of screwing over and exploiting his relatives, by taking over his own (senile) father's house under the pretence of looking after him, and then refusing to vacate it after his father died. He eventually died by falling down the stairs and breaking his neck. This was last year.

My own uncle was also alcoholic, but I never saw him when he was drunk. When he wasn't, he seemed perfectly normal and pleasant enough to be around.

I think their behaviour when drunk depends on a lot on their own personalities, but may well be much more prone to reckless and irresponsible behaviour.

 

[Louanne Learning]

There is no cardboard cutout for the alcoholic. They are as varied as the rest of humanity. Some are happy drunks, and some are vile c*nts. Some can function well in all aspects of life, and some lose all capacity to fulfill their responsibilities. Some are loving, some are narcissistic.

It seems well within the realm of belief that a man devasted by the loss of his wife, especially if he was dependent on her, and she took very good care of him, would start to drink to fill the void made by her loss, if only to alter his consciousness.

He was a heavy and habitual drinker. He died of cirrhosis of the liver. wasn't alcoholic.

that sounds like an alcoholic to me. What makes you say he wasn't?

 

[Naja Noir]

I have no reading resources to recommend. That said, I grew up with a grandma and a dad who were both alcoholics. It killed my grandma and my dad is sober now, after it almost killed him, but he'll always be an alcoholic. My husband (divorce pending) became an alcoholic about 5 years ago. This one I experienced in real time, was there from its start to our bitter end. I had an alcoholic neighbor that tried her damndest to hide it, and an old roommate that died that couldn't give two craps that you knew he drank, because he was young and fine and would give you the shirt off of his back. He sadly died from drinking at 30 years old. Good damn guy too, it's a shame. So, I can say that I know alcoholism more than I'd care to admit. There are others, but these are the ones that have impacted me personally.

As others have said though, every alcoholic is different. How it starts, why it starts, and when. But, there are a lot of commonalities between them and one stands out to me more than any other. They all have/had a look of profound sadness in their eyes. You might not know it, upon first meeting them, but anyone who knew or got to know them would see it for what it was. Sometimes it was fleeting, but othertimes they'd wear that look for days.

Another thing I've noticed is that they always find something that the person calling them an alcoholic and advising them to get help did that either excused their drinking or was worse than it. They never have a problem and if they do, then you, (the one who cares) are their problem.

There is one movie I could recommend though, because it did a great job at capturing the mannerisms and despair that some, but not most mind you, alcoholics have, "Leaving Las Vegas."

Look up before and after pictures of alcoholics, see their gradual change. My husband was a very handsome man five years ago. Long gorgeous rock star hair, face of a god, my opinion of course. He's changed to say the least.

If you have any specific questions after doing some research, feel free to dm me. I might not respond immediately, but I will respond.

Remember one thing while writing. Alcoholism will affect more than just the person drinking, but all of those around them as well.

 

[Hammer]

that sounds like an alcoholic to me. What makes you say he wasn't?

Mainly because I knew him and know some alcoholics... An alcoholic isn't someone who starts drinking every day, an alcoholic is someone who can't stop.

paraphrased from a paper online (not attributed but believed to be factual)

"The human body cannot directly metabolise alcohol. The liver produces enzymes (alcohol dehydrogenase) which changes alcohol into a different carbohydrate, one called acetaldehyde (which gives you the buzz). A second enzyme (acetaldehyde dehydrogenase) changes this acetaldehyde into yet another carbohydrate one called acetate, which the body can metabolize into carbon dioxide and water. Some people's livers don't produce enough acetaldehyde dehydrogenase, therefore they build up a large amount of acetaldehyde in their system when they drink alcohol. When acetaldehyde is not removed from the bloodstream, it joins with several neurotransmitters to produce another chemical called an isoquinoline - an opium-like chemical naturally produced in the body which is highly addictive. This only happens to alcoholics, and not to the rest of the population. It is this isoquinoline to which alcoholics become addicted. What makes this process insidious is the fact that the isoquinoline turns off the brain's prefrontal cortex, the executive part of the brain that monitors actions to determine whether or not an action has consequences."

 

[transplant]

(This might belong in research instead, whoops)

So in my current project the MC's dad is not dealing well at all with the death of his wife, so now he's an alcoholic. You know, the classic setup. My problem is that I have somehow dodged ever knowing an alcoholic individual personally, so I have no idea how to write this.

I want to make sure I do my due diligence and write this sensitively as I know it's a heavy topic, but aside from reading general overviews of what alcoholism is on like drugabuse.com I really don't have any idea how to research the nitty gritty details, like the specifics of how it affects the parent/child family dynamic, or the person's behaviour around their substance of choice. I know that this character is an alcoholic, because that's what makes the most sense for him as a character and what I want to do with him, but I have no idea what that looks like or how that affects the daily lives of him and MC.

If y'all have any advice or resources or recommended reading you can point me towards I'd owe you my life.

I haven't read it but my sister did and thought it was good, "Adult Children of Alcoholics", it's old but it might give you perspective on the family dynamics of your character.

 

[Pik]

For me it's okay to drink once in a week or 2, 3 times in a month. I sometimes drink more than that but feel bad afterwards, I don't know if that makes me alcoholic. I am prone to addiction and occasionally make long pauses to prove to myself that I am not. In my early twenties, I had a group of friends who used to go out and drink in a very controlled way, the rest of the week they'd focus on other obligations, and I guess I kept that habit of wanting to drink or party from time to time as a break after completing other obligations.

 

[Kiraann]

For me it's okay to drink once in a week or 2, 3 times in a month. I sometimes drink more than that but feel bad afterwards, I don't know if that makes me alcoholic. I am prone to addiction and occasionally make long pauses to prove to myself that I am not. In my early twenties, I had a group of friends who used to go out and drink in a very controlled way, the rest of the week they'd focus on other obligations, and I guess I kept that habit of wanting to drink or party from time to time as a break after completing other obligations.

I would reply “No, you’re not alcoholic”. One of my cousins drinks a 6 pack every night. And his short term memory is almost as bad as my father’s dementia. That’s alcoholic!

 

[Pik]

I would reply “No, you’re not alcoholic”. One of my cousins drinks a 6 pack every night. And his short term memory is almost as bad as my father’s dementia. That’s alcoholic!

Drinking beer as we speak, 3, 4 should be fine.

 

[CatrionaGrace]

He was a heavy and habitual drinker. He died of cirrhosis of the liver. wasn't alcoholic... Mainly because I knew him and know some alcoholics... An alcoholic isn't someone who starts drinking every day, an alcoholic is someone who can't stop.

So he didn't stop drinking heavily and habitually until he died of cirrhosis of the liver? That's a Poster Child for alcoholism.

Full disclosure: I spent many years attending meetings of alcoholics and addicts, and have 29 years clean as of last month. In those three decades, I think I've heard every possible "not an alcoholic/addict" rationale ever invented.

paraphrased from a paper online (not attributed but believed to be factual)

Ahem. Peer reviewed research papers are generally more dependable than unattributed online articles, and reading the peer reviews as well as the original paper is recommended. Poor research can be worse than no research at all.

My two cents worth: pull up the pdf of The BIg Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and read the thing from cover to cover. It was written by alcoholics for alcoholics, and includes personal stories.

 

[Pik]

Sometimes alcohol drinking is perceived as lifestyle and other times it becomes addiction. It's a bit like telling a person to stop eating sweets or salty food, it can be done, the question is should it (completely).

 

[Pik]

In my experience, if I'm drinking too much I try to mix it with juice (it still feels like I'm drinking).

 

[big soft moose]

you might find this guy a useful resource - recovered alcoholic who makes content about it

 

[Homer Potvin]

you might find this guy a useful resource - recovered alcoholic who makes content about it

I passed!

 

[transplant]

Like my father before me I am a functional alcoholic, I've been sober 20+ years.

The best definition I've heard of an alcoholic is someone who drinks even when they know it will interfere with something they want to do and does that regularly. The second best definition or characteristic is someone who, when they start drinking, doesn't stop until something external makes them stop.

For background, I had a beer in my hand as soon as possible after work, on weekends it was coffee until early afternoon then beer the rest of the day. I drank 4 to 8 beers a night for years, more on days off.

The effect, in hopes that it informs your character, is that my flavor of alcoholic never has enough decent sleep and is nearly always fuzzy headed.

To help get into your alcoholic character's head here is an example that likely a lot of non-alcoholics can relate to. Let's say a person has too much to drink on Friday night and might have said or did some things they wouldn't normally or maybe just didn't make a good impression when they wanted or needed to. On Saturday they're not quite right, they can function but everything seems to be an effort. On Sunday they're back, energy and patience has returned. Now think of a functional alcoholic as someone who lives that Friday and Saturday nearly every day and think of the cumulative effect of that.

Hope this is helpful.

 

[Pik]

For me it didn't interfere with what I wanted to do (in my twenties? the situation partially changed in recent years). I needed to be more social, less judgemental and more relaxed so I could be more creative, and having few drinks helped with that. Though I would ocassionally (and still sometimes) lose control after planning to have 1 or 2 drinks only. The issue for me is if I get drunk around sober people, or if I disturb the neighbours or something, otherwise I'm good.

 

[THUNDAIR]

There are so many ways to be an alcoholic; mine was a way of self-medicating for anxiety and other faux pas.
I drank to a buzz from the time I was seventeen in the military until I retired from aerospace at seventy-four.
Although I have had a beer or a glass of wine for dinner, I haven't been on a buzz for over ten years.
So, thinking of this as a novelist, I would define a reason my character might fall off the wagon and turn to alcohol.

 

[CatrionaGrace]

An AA friend said that Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville was the truest statement ever made about what it was like to be an alcoholic.