When I was a child, I thought . . .

[Catrin Lewis]

Here's a place to throw in all the funny, clever, and terribly inaccurate and wrong ideas you had as a kid. I'm thinking lighthearted or neutral, but hey, if you've got something heavy to share, why not? We're writers, we can deal with it.

OK. One of mine:

When I was a child, I thought the weather started over at the U.S.-Canadian border. Like, once you crossed over, you'd find the temperature to be ten or fifteen degrees (Fahrenheit) higher. I knew it was really, really cold up in Minnesota and all. So if it was even colder on the Canadian side, how could the people up there possibly bear it? But they seemed to be doing just fine. Ergo, the temperature had to restart.

Made sense to me!

 

[Trish]

My family wasn't the kind to go to fairs or anything so the first time I saw kids eating cotton candy (I think I was 6?) I totally freaked out because I thought they were eating fiberglass insulation. I was inconsolable and my fear of cotton candy lasted for several years. I genuinely thought everyone was lying to me and that all those kids were going to die.

 

[Catrin Lewis]

My family wasn't the kind to go to fairs or anything so the first time I saw kids eating cotton candy (I think I was 6?) I totally freaked out because I thought they were eating fiberglass insulation. I was inconsolable and my fear of cotton candy lasted for several years. I genuinely thought everyone was lying to me and that all those kids were going to die.

You had a tender heart.

 

[Trish]

You had a tender heart.

And trust issues

 

[Homer Potvin]

My dad, an engineer, idolized Albert Einstein and had pictures of him all over the house. He told me he was our cousin who lived in Germany and I believed that for longer than I should have.

 

[Rigor Mortis]

My father, an amateur boxer, claimed that John L. Sullivan was his mother's cousin. I know his track record suggests I should disregard, but part of me is likely to repeat the claim.

In recent years I've had conversations with some of my siblings and a nephew just last week where we acknowledged that some of the crazy shit dad used to get up to was based on a wicked sense of humour and not eccentricity, when charitable, or insanity, when less so. It took a surprisingly long time for that to dawn on us.

 

[Naomasa298]

I used to think Cleopatra had two lovers, Mark and Tony.

 

[JT Woody]

when i was a kid, i didnt believe in santa clause... but i didnt disbelieve either.
I just knew that, when my mom revealed he wasnt real (like the Tooth Fairy), i wasnt surprised. i just said "ok" and went on with my life, while my brother freaked out and developed trust issues-- "what else are they lying to us about?" "how could they just let us believe this!" "they were probably laughing at us the whole time and we were too stupid to know!"
like... chill bro. its not that serious.

also, when i was a kid, i believed that Borrowers lived under my rug and was afraid to walk on the hallway runner because i was afraid i'd crush them

 

[Trish]

also, when i was a kid, i believed that Borrowers lived under my rug and was afraid to walk on the hallway runner because i was afraid i'd crush them

I loved the Borrowers!

You also made me remember how I thought that toys came alive Toy Story style (long before that movie came out) because of The Indian in the Cupboard. I did not believe it was because of the cupboard lol. I tried to sneak up on my bedroom window from outside to catch them so many times

 

[JT Woody]

The Indian in the Cupboard.

YES!!!! that movie was so good!

 

[Trish]

YES!!!! that movie was so good!

I never saw the movie, I was 15 when it came out (I had to google, I didn't realize there was a movie lol). I loved the book though!

 

[JT Woody]

I never saw the movie, I was 15 when it came out (I had to google, I didn't realize there was a movie lol). I loved the book though!

i was a child... like elementary school age. maybe first grade?
didnt know there was a book until much later, but then i was too old and wasnt interested in the story anymore

 

[Homer Potvin]

when i was a kid, i didnt believe in santa clause... but i didnt disbelieve either.
I just knew that, when my mom revealed he wasnt real (like the Tooth Fairy), i wasnt surprised. i just said "ok" and went on with my life, while my brother freaked out and developed trust issues-- "what else are they lying to us about?" "how could they just let us believe this!" "they were probably laughing at us the whole time and we were too stupid to know!"
like... chill bro. its not that serious.

also, when i was a kid, i believed that Borrowers lived under my rug and was afraid to walk on the hallway runner because i was afraid i'd crush them

The Easter Bunny crashed the whole thing for me. I might have believed in Santa for a minute, but when they tried to see me on a giant candy delivering rabbit, I was like, take a walk mom!

 

[JT Woody]

The Easter Bunny crashed the whole thing for me. I might have believed in Santa for a minute, but when they tried to see me on a giant candy delivering rabbit, I was like, take a walk mom!

i never had any thoughts about the easter bunny.
i knew rabbits didnt lay eggs... also, we stopped doing easter rabbit stuff once we found out my sister was allergic to eggs and peanuts. so, no chocolates and no more egg decorating.

I did have a classmate in HS who thought rabbits laid eggs BECAUSE of the whole easter thing.... AND she out ranked me academically by a margin

 

[DLC]

I thought Sterling Moss was the name of a horse because I heard on the radio he won a big race.

 

[Dogberry's Watch]

The phrase isn't actually "we'll drive off that bridge when we get to it."

I was in my thirties before I learned it's "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

Thanks, Dad, for helping me give my friends small heart palpitations.

 

[deweyfisher]

My kindergarten teacher told us that turning the light switch on and off in rapid succession would cause a fire. Also the good old 'leaving the overhead light on in the car is illegal'

 

[edamame]

We didn't have a chimney as a kid so when my aunt told me Santa would magically appear in the cupboard and come down, I believed it, albeit very briefly.

 

[Homer Potvin]

We didn't have a chimney as a kid so when my aunt told me Santa would magically appear in the cupboard and come down, I believed it, albeit very briefly.

I thought about that too. You can see how the Santa narrative was marketed to suburban, middle America. They don't even build chimeys anymore. They should probably amend the lore to have Santa materializing through the exterior HVAC compressor.

 

[Mikal672025]

When I was a child, I believed my Dad was in cahoots with Santa Claus because his handwriting as all over the presents. Now I know that he actually was, in fact, Santa Claus.