Blurb Review

[Bakkerbaard]

Hello!
I was planning to whip up a blurb myself, but then I went ahead and commissioned a cover, forgetting that the artist will need a blurb to put on the back. So now I'm in a rush. Would y'all mind having a look at it?

It’s been twenty-five years since Eddie Sterling was blacklisted from going to the Underworld. Age has given him reason, and a family has given him responsibility; life is going well.
But Fate isn’t done with him yet.
When tragedy strikes again, it’s up to Eddie and Rosalie to find a way to make things right, but this time it’s not as easy as getting in the car and driving into the tunnel at the crossroads. The only way he’s allowed back is when it’s permanent, and now it’s up to him to find a way around his ban while the Underworld prepares to deal with Sterling-related issues one more time.

It's a meager 110 words, but that's all I've been able to squeeze out of it.
Tone of the book itself is light. There's room for jokes even when tragedy strikes. Again.
It's kind of important that the passage of time is included, because the last time readers followed Eddie on an adventure he was 25. Things have changed a bit since then. It's the third book about him, so at this point I don't think I need to go into a lot of detail. Both my readers know what to expect.

 

[Hammer]

My first thought is that -as a potential new reader- I am confused. You start off with a blurb about the adventures of someone called Eddie, but then we suddenly have Rosalie - I have no clue who she is. "When tragedy strikes again" - eh? What do you mean again? I am a new reader. Same with "this time it’s not as easy as getting in the car and driving into the tunnel at the crossroads" - I have no idea what that's about. It all feels a bit like insider information that I simply don't have.

Also - "Age has given him reason" - not sure what that even means. Age has given me aches, pains, and a bigger belly... do you mean reason as in "capacity to understand"? reason as in "reason to exist"?? reason as in "reason to cut my hair short and start wearing more colours"???

And -- "But Fate isn’t done with him" -- ugh. I can almost hear my old English teacher telling me that I "can start a sentence with but, but this sentence isn't that sentence". Even just changing it to something like "Fate, however, isn’t done with him" would make it more pleasing.

110 words is no problem - the blurb is really only "am I interested enough not to chuck this book back on the pile", but this one definitely makes me feel that it's for an exclusive club of which I am not a member. I would say scrap and re-do, but bear in mind people like me with no former knowledge.

 

[Pending]

I haven't published anything, but speaking from a readers standpoint, I would like more information on what the tragedy is. It's a given that there will be an antagonist or problem that the protagonist has to defeat/fix. You don't have to spoil anything but included what the problem is sets a mood for that the reader can expect and gets them excited. It could also draw in new readers who might be interested in that sort of antagonist (they'd probably check out the other books first though.)

When tragedy strikes again, it’s up to Eddie and Rosalie to find a way to make things right, but this time it’s not as easy as getting in the car and driving into the tunnel at the crossroads

Personally I find this a little clunky. Maybe you could reword it as: When tragedy strikes again, it’s up to Eddie and Rosalie to find a way to make things right. This time it’s not as easy as getting in the car and driving into the tunnel at the crossroads.
It's a minor fix but I think separating them into two sentences makes each more impactful.

It’s been twenty-five years since Eddie Sterling was blacklisted from going to the Underworld.

Maybe cut 'going to'? "It’s been twenty-five years since Eddie Sterling was blacklisted from the Underworld" is a little more concise.

Age has given him reason, and a family has given him responsibility; life is going well

Not really feedback, but I do like this quote. Overall. I think that the blurb flows well.

 

[Bakkerbaard]

And -- "But Fate isn’t done with him" -- ugh. I can almost hear my old English teacher telling me that I "can start a sentence with but, but this sentence isn't that sentence". Even just changing it to something like "Fate, however, isn’t done with him" would make it more pleasing.

I can work with that, but "however" is really just a highbrow "but," isn't it? Highbrow is definitely not what I do.

I would say scrap and re-do, but bear in mind people like me with no former knowledge.

That's really kind of the problem. This is book three of the series. I'm never sure how to balance catering to new readers and making old readers go "Yes, I bloody know!"
I tried with book two to make it more inclusive for new readers, but that was just getting in the way for this one.

You don't have to spoil anything but included what the problem is sets a mood for that the reader can expect and gets them excited

To explain the tragedy is to ruin a fun reveal. An early one, sure, but I would prefer readers to find out in chapter one rather than the blurb. I'll see if I can find a workaround.

It's a minor fix but I think separating them into two sentences makes each more impactful.

Overly long sentences are a bit of a problem for me, yeah. Thanks.

Maybe cut 'going to'? "It’s been twenty-five years since Eddie Sterling was blacklisted from the Underworld" is a little more concise.

I see where you're coming from, but cutting out "going to" increases the suggestion that Eddie was at one point from the Underworld, doesn't it? He isn't, for the record. It's more of an Orpheus-thing. Unless that was the one who had mommy-issues. Then I mean the other mythical Greek dude.
Though, on the other hand, readers should know him by now... I'll take it into consideration, though for a blurb this short, I don't know if concise is a good idea. ;o)