Conquering a story

[Mr Mononoke]

This maybe a strange post but I was wondering if others have had this feeling- akin to fear, where there is a story in your repertoire that is ignored, not ready for another read, too large, too complex for you to pick up your chisel to chip away and smoothen its rough edges.

I have written many 'dud' stories, stories consigned to writing practices, not because the writing was particularly poor, but because there was no message and waffle that can't really be reused. But there is this one story that I will have to face that has lingered like a tiny ink spot on a pencil drawing. You can't erase it, you are far too advanced in your drawing to throw it away, impossible for you to restart with a fresh piece of paper, and you know that the only thing you can do is to adapt the drawing to the black spot.

I have one.

One that is a failure, reviews ripping it and the feedback and views pretty weak in terms of how to fix it. Yet I 'know' there a story in there, a brilliant one where I can pull the heartstrings of a reader and make them draw closer to the characters because the setting is there, the meaning and theme are clear... but the execution needs much work.

I wonder if others have this feeling with one of their stories and what did you do with it? About it? How did you tackle it?

For me, overcoming this story will push me towards the end goal, because of the harsh words it has faced. I'm not quite ready yet... but how did you conquer a story?

 

[Naomasa298]

I wonder if others have this feeling with one of their stories and what did you do with it? About it? How did you tackle it?

It would be nice if I only had this feeling with ONE of my stories...

I have 3-4 that are in revision, because the original versions simply weren't good enough. They were written 5-6 years ago during my first writing spurt. They were good ideas, but the execution just wasn't at a level I am happy with now. The ideas were good, but I wouldn't feel comfortable submitting them as they stand.

Two of them I'm rewriting from scratch. The others are being heavily revised, both in terms of the written prose but also the plot - mostly expanded. I did that with another story and, while keeping almost the entire basic plot, I completely changed the emphasis, which made it a much stronger story.

 

[That Guy Named Aaron]

So rewrite them. If you've learned a lot during that period, then take the original concept that you had, fillet them down to the basic idea and run with it. Bonus points if you can compare the two and learn yourself some new pointers from reading the Nice Story Part 2, The Sequel, eh.

 

[DLC]

They call them trunk stories, and I've got a few of those. Some I go over and just think about them awhile, pick one out and try to 'fix' it. The main one is about 80,000 words. The story isn't halfway through, and I can see large bits that I should probably kill. The thing about it is, I like the plot - it's fairly original, but I think it's far too violent. So, I'll probably scrap it and reuse the plot. I think.

 

[Trish]

I have a story that I love, but that execution wise is horrid. It's never been critiqued, only entered for a short story contest on the dorg way back in 2011 (where it did well), but I'm certain it would be shredded (as it should).

It has so many problems. It was written quickly (I found out about the short story contest and the theme 2 hours before deadline and just went for it), was barely edited, and in truth was the first story I ever let people I didn't personally know read.

I've tried to fix it. I've stared at it for hours. I see so many things wrong with it I get overwhelmed and suffer decision paralysis. I change one thing and it makes five more things wrong, so I put it back as it was. Overall though, I love the story and where it's going. I'd like to keep going with it, make that the first chapter of a novel. I just can't do it. I think I love what it could be instead of what it is and I haven't figured out how to reconcile those two things yet. I will someday.

 

[Louanne Learning]

I have started a lot of stories I didn't finish. I think it may have come down to a couple of things. First, do I still feel connected to the characters? This is a big one. If I do, I am more likely to put in the mental work to get the story done. Secondly, do I like where this story is going? This is related to plot and theme. I'm working on a story right now, and I began with a premise I like, but I'm thinking - this is turning out boring. But, I still like the idea, so I may see how I can up the tension.

 

[Mr Mononoke]

Two of them I'm rewriting from scratch.

Rewriting it again is the plan and it has been rewritten twice, but it is one of these stories that you like and, like you wrote in your reply, the execution didn't hit the nail on its head.

So rewrite them.

I find rewriting can change the whole feel of a story... as Louanne wrote below with her current wip... this story has been rewritten twice but each time I'm not fully happy with it.

They call them trunk stories,

I have plenty of trunk stories... this one doesn't fall into that category. It is a story I really like but struggling to make it work. Trunked ones are just decent pieces but turn into meh...

I've tried to fix it. I've stared at it for hours. I see so many things wrong with it I get overwhelmed and suffer decision paralysis. I change one thing and it makes five more things wrong

Yeh this is what I have been experiencing. I have many moving parts with this story and there is a deep backstory too... and it got very messy... but I can't let this one go!!

I'm working on a story right now, and I began with a premise I like, but I'm thinking - this is turning out boring.

I like the idea of creating tension ... good luck with that louanne. It is more an execution problem with this story.

 

[Louanne Learning]

I find rewriting can change the whole feel of a story

How do you conquer a story without rewriting it?

It is more an execution problem with this story.

Maybe I'm not clear on what you mean by execution?

 

[That Guy Named Aaron]

I find rewriting can change the whole feel of a story... as Louanne wrote below with her current wip... this story has been rewritten twice but each time I'm not fully happy with it.

Ponder this - Perhaps the story needs a change of feel. Jjjuuusssttt throwing that out there for consideration without knowing the story or any deets. Obviously, you know the situation and story better than I do. But one thing I've learned is that sometimes taking a step back, counting to ten, and then giving your WIP a look over with fresh eyes helps one to see things in a brighter light.

 

[Naomasa298]

Rewriting it again is the plan and it has been rewritten twice, but it is one of these stories that you like and, like you wrote in your reply, the execution didn't hit the nail on its head.

But sometimes, changing the story can make it better - make it what it should have been in the first place. That was certainly the case with one of mine - the concept was good, but the emphasis was flawed, and in the wrong direction.

 

[Naja Noir]

So, when I saw the title and intro, I had different thoughts on what exactly it means to conquer an ignored story.

For me, It feels worse to have a story ignored than to get bad reviews. Especially when they are one of my favorites. At least, I think that's how I would feel about those particular stories that have met that fate in other workshops. There's a "why bother" attitude that's taken hold of me in concern of those. Whatever work they could use, who knows.

I've had quite a few bad stories, some have never seen the light of day, and others I entered, albeit shamefully, contests with. For most of them though, I don't feel like there's a need to conquer them. I'll get back to them when and if I'm supposed to. There's no real despair there.

But, it's the ones I love that am too afraid to share again and get the help or insight they might actually need. Or the one I lost a contest to that I'm too afraid to ask, "why"?

I think in order to conquer and overcome them, it would require me doing those things that need to be done, and that, I'm not sure I'm ready to do.

 

[Mr Mononoke]

Maybe I'm not clear on what you mean by execution?

This may be a long explanation but I hope it makes sense.

I am sure when we all write a story, we know that there is a good story in the building. The ending works... the start is fine... the middle is okay. But how the story is told, the sentences that compose the picture are not so good. I am very particular with my choice of words in my stories, and some don't work, but there is method to the madness.

I will give a simple example:

She guided the back of her hand softly over his face.

I wouldn't say there is much wrong here, but in my revisions, I may alter this to:

The back of her hand caressed his cheek.

The two sentences pretty much convey the same action. The second may be a little tighter and more specific but I would keep the second purely on the word caressed. For me, this word carries over to the next sentence and next because the word stands out more than the 'softly over his face.' Because of this, the other sentences should not try and 'steal' the 'limelight' of this word so that action of 'caressing' is the theme of the paragraph.

Another simple example of an end scene let's say:

"Stop moving or I will shoot you!" he said with his gun shaking in his hands to the guy sprawling on the floor.

To:

His hands were shaking as he pointed his gun at the guy sprawling on the floor. " Stop moving, or I will shoot!"

It may not seem much different, but for me, the end dialogue of "... or I will shoot!" is so immediate... it is an exclamation that demands a resolution, and since it is the end of the scene or chapter, then it annoys a reader to turn the next chapter. Call it heighten tension, but the changes affect the buildup to the next scene, and as Trish mentioned, changing one thing alters the next and the 'feel' of the story changes.

Adding tension here and there, then affects a certain feel of a passage... etc... and I group all this as an execution problem.

Ponder this - Perhaps the story needs a change of feel.

I think a lot about my stories and this is something that I have long thought about. I am sure, like many, you go through a process of having a first draft, the second, maybe third, and then run through to the edits where the structure of the story is in place, all that needs 'fixing' are the sentences and grammar. Doing this, as I have experienced, changes the tone and feel of the story. A lot for the better and since this story has undergone 2 facelifts, the rawness of the original is being ebbed away.

The writing of the latter are better (the first version was done many years ago so the writing was poorer) but that grittiness and edge is somewhat different. To return, to rewrite, is a must, just the scale of the changes needed and keeping to that raw emotion of the first version is the challenge.

But sometimes, changing the story can make it better - make it what it should have been in the first place. That was certainly the case with one of mine - the concept was good, but the emphasis was flawed, and in the wrong direction.

I agree. The emotion in this story is what holds it altogether, how to strike the correct nerve for the reader is the most important aspect for me, because this story will impact others so getting this one right is a priority.

 

[Louanne Learning]

@Mr Mononoke - thanks for the explanation. So, I think what you are talking about is the way that sentences are put together and the choice of words.

In your first example:

I will give a simple example:

She guided the back of her hand softly over his face.

I wouldn't say there is much wrong here, but in my revisions, I may alter this to:

The back of her hand caressed his cheek.

The two sentences pretty much convey the same action. The second may be a little tighter and more specific but I would keep the second purely on the word caressed.

What I like about the first one is that "she" is in the picture, but in the second one it's as if the hand caressed on its own.

I would return the person to the action: With the back of her hand, she caressed his cheek.

Another simple example of an end scene let's say:

"Stop moving or I will shoot you!" he said with his gun shaking in his hands to the guy sprawling on the floor.

To:

His hands were shaking as he pointed his gun at the guy sprawling on the floor. " Stop moving, or I will shoot!"

The second one is better because it describes events in the order they occurred, which helps the reader to form images.

I would get rid of the -ing words, though:

His hands shook as he pointed his gun to the man sprawled on the floor.

 

[Mr Mononoke]

Thank you, Louanne,

I am still learning a lot but how a sentence comes out is very important to the feel of the story.

Thanks for the pointers!

 

[Naomasa298]

His hands were shaking as he pointed his gun at the guy sprawling on the floor. " Stop moving, or I will shoot!"

I am still learning a lot but how a sentence comes out is very important to the feel of the story.

With my editing hat on, there are ways you can edit this for different effect.
"Stop moving, or I'll shoot!" His gun was pointed at the guy on the floor, his hands shaking.

This line is passive, but that doesn't mean it's weaker. It puts the focus on the gun, not him - think of it like the camera zooming in on the gun in a movie scene.

"Stop moving!" He pointed the gun at the sprawled man, his hands shaking. "Or I'll shoot!"

This does a few things - it puts more urgency into the threat, by placing an action beat between the two halves and moves the threat into its own beat. It also cuts out "on the floor", which is already implied by the guy who is sprawled.

Alternatively:
"Stop moving or-or I'll shoot!" His hands were shaking as he pointed the gun at the sprawled man.

This moves the focus on to his hesitation, both by bringing up the shaking hands to the forefront and adding a verbal indication.

These are just examples, and a little contrived, but I'm just demonstrating how the wording can affect perception.

 

[Mr Mononoke]

These are just examples, and a little contrived, but I'm just demonstrating how the wording can affect perception.

No no great examples. What you have written explains the issues I have with this one story I have left to one side for the moment.

There is a lot going on in this story and the focus is a little erratic so the views that a rewrite is needed is what I plan to do again, and it will be the 4th time but there are many like the examples I created above that altered the view slightly and too much... realigning this, as well as straightening the story to make it more cohesive are a few major flaws I need to correct.

It is just a critical story in an anthology I have made, so the details are important and as you rightly pointed out, amending the sentences slightly changes the focus and angle... the story needs a lot of work and an hour day won't fix much, hence the thread in asking how others have conquered a story.

 

[Rigor Mortis]

If I'm understanding the situation correctly, you've written a story some time ago that serves as an important focus within a collection. The first drafts were raw in terms of writing skill, with which you're unhappy, but also in terms of emotional impact, which you want to retain. As the writing style improves with skill development, the emotional impact diminishes? New versions are written more smoothly but have less grip on the vital aspects of the original. You've tried workshop and received either scathing or unhelpful feedback.

There is the possibility that your growth will continue and rather than putting focus on the core emotion or the narrative style, an equilibrium is reached where those things are not conflictual choices but complementary.

The only thing that I can suggest, which worked very well for me on the old site, is to solicit input from a trusted source willing to meet you behind the curtain, to give feedback on those specific issues you want to address, over a bit of time and a bit of perseverence. I imagine you know some of the members here and could try DM or request someone willing to help might DM to you. Best of luck with it.

 

[Naomasa298]

It is just a critical story in an anthology I have made, so the details are important and as you rightly pointed out, amending the sentences slightly changes the focus and angle... the story needs a lot of work and an hour day won't fix much, hence the thread in asking how others have conquered a story.

The Workshop is here to help.

 

[Mr Mononoke]

Hello @Rigor Mortis yes you have got the gist of the situation.

Sadly I don't post in workshops anymore and have asked a few members for their views on my older stories.

You are correct in stating that (I felt) the older versions of this story held a raw emotion to it that were lost in the smoother reading of the later versions and I feel that this is because I have distanced myself from the story and character thus not immersing myself back into that world.

I feel with emotionally charged stories, the writer needs to go all in so a reader feels the pain of the protagonist for it to do the story justice and writing 'with a distance' doesn't work.

 

[Rigor Mortis]

I'm writing "creatively" for about 5 years, so not a huge amount of time for evolution. One of the first stories I wrote has an awful lot of flaws, this I know, but it also has some heart that keeps me attached to it. I have shown it to members of the old place through DM (bring back Xoic!). To fix it, if such a thing was possible or within my gift, would strip a lot of what I perceive to be the heart in it, and I'll not even try. My wife liked it, one of my brothers didn't, not so much anyway. I have the advantage over your situation in that it's not part of anything else, a stand alone that can just stay as it is. I don't submit it anywhere but do throw an eye over it every now and again. If there's ever a showcase set up here, outside the workshop and not for critique, I might post it just to give it a little air.

None of which is helpful to you, but I wish you the best with it.