Emotional Impact Over Main Plot?

[JT Woody]

I have a super long chapter. It serves 2 purposes:

• character development (deepens the bond between the 3 characters and makes the emotional impact if something happens to either of them that much stronger),
• plants suspicions about a 4th character not present in this chapter

HOWEVER... the chapter does not progress the over all plot. In fact, the chapter has its own plot entirely (which the conflict of it gets resolves at the end of the chapter). Call it a side quest for the 3 characters. or... call it a short break from the main plot...
The only thing readers would miss if i cut this chapter is how the 3 characters bonded with each other, and why the characters accuse a 4th character of something in a later chapter (an accusation that turns out to be true and comes up AGAIN toward the end of the book).

it is 26 pages and 7k words. I have no idea how to trim it (i trimmed like 600 words from it), and have been debating whether or not to cut it entirely. But... like i said, the character development and bonding is something i think is important.
I watched Black Phone a few weekends ago and one of my biggest pet peeve is how it didnt make me feel anything for the characters, so that when the time came for the characters to help the MC, i didnt feel anything. no excitement, no awe, no sense of recognition. Nothing that made me want to root for anyone.

I dont want that for my characters...


I guess im just looking for thought?

 

[Trish]

Without reading it, it's really hard to have an opinion that matters, but how long are your average chapters? Is the accusation part of the main plot later on?

Character development would come first for me, though ideally a balance between characters and plot is what I'm aiming for, but that doesn't mean it should come first for you.

 

[JT Woody]

but how long are your average chapters?

Between 5 and 10 pages.

Is the accusation part of the main plot later on?

Yes; the characters distance themselves from the 4th character, which adds to her eventual mental and murderous breakdown which ultimately unleashes her on the MCs.

 

[Trish]

Between 5 and 10 pages.


Yes; the characters distance themselves from the 4th character, which adds to her eventual mental and murderous breakdown which ultimately unleashes her on the MCs.

So it is moving the plot forward, just not in an obvious way? Can it be split into 2 chapters?

 

[Stuart Dren]

Yeah it sounds like it is germane, even if not obviously.

If it has its own plot, it has its own minor stakes and themes. Do those at least loosely fit the main train? If we're off to save our brother from an evil wizard, spending the next 7k words trying to win a garland in a tourney is going to murder the pacing.

I'm writing a detour in my WIP currently (a real knife's edge of pacing that could make the reader flee: capture). Its themes are tight for both the now and serve to foreshadow the final conclusion. It's got a small mystery and the stakes also align with the rest of the tale; in other words I'm being careful to make sure it belongs.

 

[Banespawn]

It sounds like the chapter is at least partially connected to the main plot, but I would worry about the motivation of the characters to be doing what they are doing. What are their goals at that point in the story, and how does this side quest help them to achieve those goals?

It's possible that their goals in the side quest are different from their goals for the main plot, but in that case, we'd need a good reason why they are taking the detour.

Without knowing the specifics, it's impossible to say whether or not what you have will work. Characters can work to achieve the goals of subplots, and those subplots don't have to directly impact the main plot, but you want to be sure that the characters have strong motivations. Also, the more you can tie the subplot to the main plot, the better. The reader needs to feel like it serves a purpose in the overall story, beyond just character building.

I'm reminded of season 2 of Stranger Things. The episode where Eleven is running with Kali and her gang is similar to what you describe. The main plot is paused for the entire episode while we see Eleven develop as a character. It's important because what she learns in that episode helps her later, but it's the lowest rated episode of the season by quite a bit.

You can get away with doing something similar if the motivations are believable, but readers still might not like it.

 

[JT Woody]

So it is moving the plot forward, just not in an obvious way? Can it be split into 2 chapters?

I thought about splitting it up... but its from the POV of my MMC. I'd hoped to keep that POV chapter as 1 chapter.

Do those at least loosely fit the main train?

What are their goals at that point in the story, and how does this side quest help them to achieve those goals?

The MMC spends some time estranged from his family and living as a hermit. Throughout the course of the novel, he begins to make an effort in reentigrating into society and reconnecting with his family. in other chapters, we see him in passing helping villagers, spending time with his father, falling in love. This is from the POV of the FMC.
this chapter, it switches to him. he's asked to go on a hunting trip with his brothers. His mother basically guilts him, saying its the least he could do, given he'd spent the last 13 years estranged from them. So he goes to try to reconnect with them: his stubborn control freak of an older brother, and his happy-go-lucky younger brother. He's struggling with guilt, regret, and this need to belong. he'd already mentioned his need for acceptance in other chapters, and its already established that his relationship with his older brother is slowly on the mend. But he doesnt really know how to open up to them. He's also frustrated by how he treated the woman he likes during the previous chapters, not really knowing how to be in a relationship since he's been living alone for the better part of 13 years.

during this chapter, as the brother hash out their differences, they realize the disconnect between them all those years ago was due to a 4th character who lied to all of them, escalating the conflict between the brother, and drive a wedge between them.

by the end of the chapter, the MMC knows what happened all those years before. He lets go of the guilt and regret, and feels like he finally has a family. he has awkward "guy talk" with his older brother, who gives him unsolicited advice/opinions on his life and relationship problems (as older brothers tend to do). In the end, he and his brothers make plans to go another trip, just the three of them.

 

[Stuart Dren]

That sounds more or less conceptually fine. Beyond that, it's worth seeing if beta readers struggle with it. All-or-nothing seems a bit inflexible from a planning/pacing standpoint.

by the end of the chapter, the MMC knows what happened all those years before. He lets go of the guilt and regret, and feels like he finally has a family. he has awkward "guy talk" with his older brother, who gives him unsolicited advice/opinions on his life and relationship problems (as older brothers tend to do). In the end, he and his brothers make plans to go another trip, just the three of them.

I would also be worried about relieving too much tension at the end without enough to take its place. Hopefully the epiphany about the deceitful character makes up for the deflation.

All that said, certain things need to room and text in which to happen convincingly. Cutting it down to a few thousand words might well make it pointless.

I thought about splitting it up... but its from the POV of my MMC. I'd hoped to keep that POV chapter as 1 chapter.

I'll add, I'm sympathetic to the reluctance of accepting it's an entire additional POV to the narrative, but 7k words is 7k words. That bulk is bulk whether it's one chapter or two. Briefly returning to the woman's POV the reader was already invested in, like a snack break, might make the whole thing more manageable. Hell, again, conversely, it could undermine an otherwise impactful trancelike episode, whose mass and depth contributes to the broader rhythm of the story in a meaningful way. See how conflicted I am about this?

So, back to the beta readers. All that matters is will they find it interesting or not. With the details provided, this is certainly not an automatic blunder. It will depend on execution.

I still think the trip itself needs to matter in a tangible way so that it can survive to deliver its intangible emotional benefit, i.e. what would happen if he chose not to go, what would happen if they caught no fish, what unique obstacles are foreshadowed etc... Bonus if there's some symbolism there too.