Favourite Quotes

[GrahamLewis]

It is by our ‘imperfections’ that we move towards each other, towards wholeness of relationship. It is our oddities, our grittiness, the occasions when we hurt or are hurt, that challenge us to a deeper knowledge of each other. Our sins have been said to be stepping-stones to God.

Kenneth C Barnes, 1985 (Quaker Faith and Practice)

 

[GrahamLewis]

"If we stop and reflect on our lives or out at the world, we can see an an innate intelligence about things. It is as if a tapestry is being woven and we are one of the colors of thread being moved by a needle held by something greater than we are."

Deborah Adele, The Yamas and Niyamas (On-Word Bound Books 2009) p. 82

 

[Homer Potvin]

"How would you like ten years in Levenworth?"

"How about eleven years in Twelveworth?"

"Sir, you try my patience."

"Thank you. You should try mine some time."

--Groucho Marx (Duck Soup, I think)

 

[Donnie]

"Just be yourself, everybody else has already been taken." Oscar Wilde

 

[DLC]

If it's got tits or wheels you're going to have trouble with it - My Dad.

 

[defaux]

If it's got tits or wheels you're going to have trouble with it - My Dad.

What if it's got both? @MoonChild

 

[Rath Darkblade]

If it's got tits or wheels you're going to have trouble with it - My Dad.

What do these have to do with wheels?

 

[Homer Potvin]

If it's got tits or wheels you're going to have trouble with it - My Dad.

That's a good one. We need more lighthearted, humorous quotes up in here.

"I've got more game than Parker Brothers."

--A Tribe Called Quest

 

[MoonChild]

What if it's got both? @MoonChild

Not me

 

[JLT]

“Never play cards with a man called Doc. Never eat at a place called Mom's. Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own.”

― Nelson Algren, A Walk on the Wild Side

(And while I never play cards, I can attest to the truth of the remaining two.)

 

[Rath Darkblade]

Ah, humourous quotes. Here are two, both from Terry Pratchett's Witches Abroad:

Cats gravitate to kitchens like rocks gravitate to gravity.
(Witches Abroad)

The Yen Buddhists are the richest religious sect in the universe. They hold that the accumulation of money is a great evil and a burden to the soul. They therefore, regardless of personal hazard, see it as their unpleasant duty to acquire as much as possible in order to reduce the risk to innocent people.
(Witches Abroad)

 

[JLT]

"Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in."

--Mark Twain, that inexhaustible source of humorous quotes

 

[Rath Darkblade]

Too long for a quote, but too good not to share:

During a visit to America, Winston Churchill was invited to a buffet luncheon at which cold fried chicken was served. Returning for a second helping, he asked politely, "May I please have some breast?"

"Mr. Churchill," replied his hostess, "in this country we ask for white meat or dark meat."

Churchill apologised profusely, and the following morning the lady received a magnificent orchid from her guest of honour. The accompanying note read: "Dear Madam, I would be much obliged if you would pin this on your white meat."

 

[JLT]

Too long for a quote, but too good not to share:

During a visit to America, Winston Churchill was invited to a buffet luncheon at which cold fried chicken was served. Returning for a second helping, he asked politely, "May I please have some breast?"

"Mr. Churchill," replied his hostess, "in this country we ask for white meat or dark meat."

Churchill apologised profusely, and the following morning the lady received a magnificent orchid from her guest of honour. The accompanying note read: "Dear Madam, I would be much obliged if you would pin this on your white meat."

I've heard that story before, but it featured Peter O'Toole rather than Churchill. Peter probably stole it from Winnie.

Another quote from Mark Twain:
"If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat."

 

[Tallyfire]

“Books, like landscapes, leave their marks in us. Sometimes these traces are so faint as to be imperceptible - tiny shifts in the weather of the spirit that do not register on the usual instruments. Mostly, these marks are temporary: we close a book, and for the next hour or two the world seems oddly brighter at its edges; or we are moved to a kindness or a meanness that would otherwise have gone unexpressed. Certain books, though, like certain landscapes, stay with us even when we have left them, changing not just our weathers but our climates.”

— Robert Macfarlane in Landmarks

 

[CatrionaGrace]

"Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it." — P.J. O'Rourke

I am going to be so TICKED if I die in the middle of a good book.

 

[Rath Darkblade]

Not a quote, but too good not to share. Isaac Asimov wrote that only one bit of doggerel written on the wall of a public bathroom ever made him smile. (I read this decades ago, but I still remember it verbatim). It said:

"He either wishes fame too much
or his desserts are small
who puts his talents to the touch
above the urinal."

(And it was carefully signed, too).

 

[JLT]

Not a quote, but too good not to share. Isaac Asimov wrote that only one bit of doggerel written on the wall of a public bathroom ever made him smile. (I read this decades ago, but I still remember it verbatim). It said:

So much great literature on bathroom walls. I remember on I saw one in the men's room of the old Freight & Salvage coffeehouse in Berkeley. A different writer for each line:

"Jesus Saves"
"Green Stamps"
"That's why he's the Great Redeemer"

(you have to remember that Green Stamps or the like were issued with purchases and were redeemed for goods back in the day)

Or
"Money is how people without talent keep score."
Under which was written:
"Yeah, I don't have a job either."

 

[Also]

What do these have to do with wheels?

Those are just ordinary tits. The Greater Wheeled Tit would be a different matter.

 

[Rath Darkblade]

So much great literature on bathroom walls. I remember on I saw one in the men's room of the old Freight & Salvage coffeehouse in Berkeley. A different writer for each line:

"Jesus Saves"
"Green Stamps"
"That's why he's the Great Redeemer"

(you have to remember that Green Stamps or the like were issued with purchases and were redeemed for goods back in the day)

Or
"Money is how people without talent keep score."
Under which was written:
"Yeah, I don't have a job either."

I only saw one bit of literature on a bathroom wall that made me laugh.

Person 1: "Jesus Saves!"
Person 2: "Moses Scores!"
Person 3: "Moses wins, one-nothing!"
Person 4: "And the crowd goes wild!!"

And under that, someone actually drew a realistic-looking crowd of people saying (in unison) "Yay."