Hyphenated Sentence

[Bone2pick]

The following snippet is from James Clavell’s Shōgun.

"You could do it, if you wished. I will answer for the Lady Ochiba. Take the power for your own lifetime. Become Shōgun and make—"​

​

"Lady, what you say is treason. I-do-not-seek-to-be-Shōgun."​

Note the hyphenated sentence. What function are the hyphens providing?

 

[Naomasa298]

He's articulating each separate word. Clavell is using hyphens instead of full stops (periods), basically:

"I. do. not. seek. to. be. Shōgun."

 

[Bone2pick]

I see. That’s not how I read it. The hyphens gave me the impression the words were connected and should be read together quickly, like a single long word. For instance, twenty-four-year-old.

 

[Homer Potvin]

I'd wonder too if there was a translation element to that. There's that whole gag throughout the book where Clavell wrote the Pilot's attempt at speaking Japanese in broken English that was supposed to be broken Japanese.

 

[Naomasa298]

I haven't read it but I'm guessing that line was Toranaga's, not Blackthorne's?

If it was Blackthorne's that would be different, but it's not difficult Japanese, so I'm not sure why in that case.

 

[Homer Potvin]

I doubt Toranaga used the word "lady." That's Blackthorne all day.

 

[Naomasa298]

Fun fact - "Ochiba" could be read as "fallen horse", depending what kanji was used to write it.

 

[Mr Mononoke]

"Lady, what you say is treason. I-do-not-seek-to-be-Shōgun."

I read it like how Nao replied in his answer, that each word is specific and spoken with emphasis.

My guess is that this is a style choice rather than the Western version where the hyphens are tagalongs.

 

[Bone2pick]

Question for anyone: how would you write a sentence (dialogue in this case) where every word is given emphasis?

In the Shōgun example, I‘m not a fan of the hyphenated look nor the multiple period look. I would opt for something like the following:

Toranaga stressed each of his next words. "I do not seek to be Shōgun."​

 

[Trish]

If I really want heavy emphasis I'd do "I. Do. Not. Seek. To. Be. Shogun." And if I really really want to emphasize the NOT I'd italicize the word Not or capitalize the whole word. I really like emphasis though, and some people do not.

Saying he stressed his words works, but it also slows the flow in my opinion. Would work well in some instances, but not in others.

 

[Homer Potvin]

If I really want heavy emphasis I'd do "I. Do. Not. Seek. To. Be. Shogun." And if I really really want to emphasize the NOT I'd italicize the word Not or capitalize the whole word. I really like emphasis though, and some people do not.

Saying he stressed his words works, but it also slows the flow in my opinion. Would work well in some instances, but not in others.

I do that with work emails when I'm really annoyed.

 

[Seven Crowns]

It's sort of a modern rhetoric trick. There's not a classical term for it. When you consider how much classical rhetoric encompasses, it's quite the feat to defy it with a new sentence structure. (I guess these are technically not sentences. Whatever.)

I've seen "punctuated emphasis" used to describe the "Word. Word. Word." structure, and that seems as accurate as anything else. Maybe that will stick? So it's a rhetorical trick that's going in the books now once the world of writers decides what it is. The downside is that anyone writing this way anchors themselves to the modern day.

There is an old term "asyndeton" that almost covers this. Almost. An asyndeton describes a sentence with a lack of conjunctions. e.g., "Live, laugh, love." It kind of reads the same, but the term is focused on the absence of conjunctions, not one-word phrasing. So its purpose is different.

 

[Rath Darkblade]

Personally, I find the "Word. Word. Word." structure to be overblown. *shrug* Maybe I'm wrong, but it reminds me of hammy actors. Is it a matter of correctness, or merely taste? Does anyone know?

I usually use italics for emphasis, but I use them sparingly (or try to), since I also use italics for non-English words. (I use the non-English words sparingly, too, and also make it clear what they mean).

 

[Seven Crowns]

Personally, I find the "Word. Word. Word." structure to be overblown. *shrug* Maybe I'm wrong, but it reminds me of hammy actors. Is it a matter of correctness, or merely taste? Does anyone know?

I usually use italics for emphasis, but I use them sparingly (or try to), since I also use italics for non-English words. (I use the non-English words sparingly, too, and also make it clear what they mean).

I agree. It feels like something you'd do in an email or a text. It's definitely appearing in books more and more though. I think it might be a modern speech mannerism and so because of that it's now really being committed to paper.

 

[Rigor Mortis]

Personally, I find the "Word. Word. Word." structure to be overblown. *shrug* Maybe I'm wrong, but it reminds me of hammy actors. Is it a matter of correctness, or merely taste? Does anyone know?

Quite some time ago, back in old .org, someone who knows what they're talking about (and reinforced the point while I'm typing this. Hi 7) said something very similar. I recall looking at some of my finished stories and saying "oops". I've done it since, I'm pretty sure, but never as willingly and only when I could see no other way to make a point.

Someone else, whom I've not seen since evacuation, but hope to see here, spoke out about use of fragments. Again, guilty as charged.

One way to look at it is to consider that those who find these styles irritating are likely to feel more strongly than those who tolerate them beacuse they just don't care. Judicious application, avoidance when possible, seems a good strategy.

 

[Naomasa298]

I don't have a problem with it, but I wouldn't use it in a sentence this long. I might in a 3-4 word sentence, but something like this, I would reword it to something like:
"Lady, what you say is treason. You believe I seek to become Shogun. I do not." (the italics are optional)

 

[Montecarlo]

Personally, I find the "Word. Word. Word." structure to be overblown. *shrug* Maybe I'm wrong, but it reminds me of hammy actors. Is it a matter of correctness, or merely taste? Does anyone know?

I usually use italics for emphasis, but I use them sparingly (or try to), since I also use italics for non-English words. (I use the non-English words sparingly, too, and also make it clear what they mean).

For me it feels like something I would see in a politics post in Facebook.