Malapropisms, love 'em or hate 'em
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Louanne Learning
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I had to look up the definition -
A malapropism is the mistaken, often unintentional, use of a word in place of a similar-sounding one, resulting in a nonsensical or humorous phrase.
So, I then found out that the character Dogberry in Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing had a few -
"Our watch, sir, have indeed comprehended [apprehended] two auspicious [suspicious] persons" (Act 3, Scene 5).
"O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting redemption [damnation] for this" (Act 4, Scene 2).
"Comparisons are odorous [odious]" (Act 3, Scene 5).
A malapropism is the mistaken, often unintentional, use of a word in place of a similar-sounding one, resulting in a nonsensical or humorous phrase.
So, I then found out that the character Dogberry in Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing had a few -
"Our watch, sir, have indeed comprehended [apprehended] two auspicious [suspicious] persons" (Act 3, Scene 5).
"O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting redemption [damnation] for this" (Act 4, Scene 2).
"Comparisons are odorous [odious]" (Act 3, Scene 5).
Uh-oh. Let's get started:
- Free reign ("Free rein")
- The whole kitten caboodle ("The whole kit and caboodle")
- A grizzly end (No, no! Unless a bear is somehow involved, this should be "A grisly end")
- For all intensive purposes ("For all intents and purposes")
- Take it for granite ("Take it for granted")
- Whatever floats your goat ("Whatever floats your boat")
- Nip it in the butt (Heaven help us -- "Nip it in the bud")
- Dull as dishwater (should be "Dull as ditchwater")
- Chomping at the bit (should be "Champing at the bit" - 'to champ' means 'to chew noisily')
- A hare's breath (should be "A hair's breadth')
And so, to you lovely people, I say: Oh, deer!
- Free reign ("Free rein")
- The whole kitten caboodle ("The whole kit and caboodle")
- A grizzly end (No, no! Unless a bear is somehow involved, this should be "A grisly end")
- For all intensive purposes ("For all intents and purposes")
- Take it for granite ("Take it for granted")
- Whatever floats your goat ("Whatever floats your boat")
- Nip it in the butt (Heaven help us -- "Nip it in the bud")
- Dull as dishwater (should be "Dull as ditchwater")
- Chomping at the bit (should be "Champing at the bit" - 'to champ' means 'to chew noisily')
- A hare's breath (should be "A hair's breadth')
And so, to you lovely people, I say: Oh, deer!
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Louanne Learning
Skipping along
Active Member
Winner: 4th Contest March
Winner : February Poetry
Winner: 4th Contest Feb
Winner: 4th Contest August
Winner: June Flash Fiction
Also known as a "Dogberryism!"
Interesting bit of trivia -
Malpropism (noun, 1826), from Mrs. Malaprop, a character in Richard Sheridan's play “The Rivals” (1775). Mrs. Malaprop was noted for her ridiculous misuse of large words; her name was coined from the French mal à propos, meaning badly suited to the purpose.
For example:
“Sir, you overpower me with good breeding. He is the very pine-apple of politeness!” (Act III, Scene iii)
“I hope you will represent her to the captain as an object not altogether illegible.” (Act I)
“Why, murder's the matter! Slaughter's the matter! Killing's the matter! But he can tell you the perpendiculars.” (Act V, Scene i)
In Wyoming, one end is as likely as the other, so we use them inexplicably.
Burn the camel at both ends.
With liver trees and juices for all. (Courtesy of a first grader saying the Pledge of Allegiance.)
Whether I love them or not is a mute point.
Is ditch water any duller than dish water? I think it works fine either way.
One of my favorite stories is about a little girl who used to attend church picnic parties. After everybody had dined, they sang a hymn. One of the hymns was "Weak and sinful though we be" which she misheard as "We can sing, full though we be." It made perfect sense to her.
No idea if the same girl misheard "Gladly the Cross I'd Bear" as "Gladly, the cross-eyed bear."
How many generations of kids grew up thinking the deity's name was Harold: "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be thy name." Coming from an area where people habitually dropped or relocated the letter r, I thought God was Arthur F. Liberty. "Our Father God is he, Arthur F. Liberty."
I have no idea, Homer. I'm a writer, not an English teacher.
(Goes to consult Professor Google.) Yeah. Okay. Mondegreens. Here's a gold star.
Stick it on your forehead to honor your grasp of proper terminality.
Passive aggressive much?I have no idea, Homer. I'm a writer, not an English teacher.
(Goes to consult Professor Google.) Yeah. Okay. Mondegreens. Here's a gold star.
Some famous malapropisms from history students:
- The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
- Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.
- The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
- Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.
- Without the Greeks we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns – Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles appears in The Iliad, by Homer. Homer also wrote The Oddity, in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.
-Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
-The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello’s interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. SirWalter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
- Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Danes, King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harold mustarded his troups before the Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was cannonized by Bernard Shaw, and victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.
-During the Renaissance America began. Christ-opher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and this was known as Pilgrims Progress.
- George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time became the Father of Our Country. Then the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.
- Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, “In onion there is strength.” Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.
- The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.
- The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steam boat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur invented a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of Species. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
- The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals (
) of human history.
-Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
-The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello’s interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. SirWalter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
- Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Danes, King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harold mustarded his troups before the Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was cannonized by Bernard Shaw, and victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.
-During the Renaissance America began. Christ-opher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and this was known as Pilgrims Progress.
- George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time became the Father of Our Country. Then the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.
- Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, “In onion there is strength.” Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.
- The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.
- The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steam boat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur invented a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of Species. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
- The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals (
) of human history.
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Love you, buddy, but that is beyond painful to read.Some famous malapropisms from history students:
- The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
- Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.
- Without the Greeks we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns – Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles appears in The Iliad, by Homer. Homer also wrote The Oddity, in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.
-Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
-The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello’s interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. SirWalter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
- Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Danes, King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harold mustarded his troups before the Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was cannonized by Bernard Shaw, and victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.
-During the Renaissance America began. Christ-opher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and this was known as Pilgrims Progress.
- George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time became the Father of Our Country. Then the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.
- Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, “In onion there is strength.” Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.
- The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.
- The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steam boat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur invented a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of Species. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
- The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals
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Hilly Areas!!
I don't know where these came from, hopefully third grade history students, very funny, thanks for the laugh!!
I don't know where these came from, hopefully third grade history students, very funny, thanks for the laugh!!
Agreed. I didn't write these, I'm just quoting them.
Hope they made you smile.Hilly Areas!!
I don't know where these came from, hopefully third grade history students, very funny, thanks for the laugh!!
Probably third-grade, but my cynical side is thinking "college undergraduates".
Nah, I'm mostly straight up aggressive. Didn't you like your gold star?
Please tell me you didn't miss the malapropism that was the whole reason for that sentence.
I guess you're right. But I consider mondegreens a subset of malapropisms.
I wouldn't have known if some guy from Providence hadn't mentioned it. Connections.
Teacher:
If you go down to the woods today
you better go in disguise
Now children, what does disguise mean?
4-year-old me:
like in an aeroplane or helicopter or somethin'
I can lay so much at this door, starting with my insistence to always properly enunciate my ths, such as "the skies" and not "de skies."
I must say, possibly because I'm quite prone to them, I like an aul' malapropism now and then and include some deliberately in my writing and probably some not so deliberately.
One of mine that I recently had corrected comes from For What It's Worth by Buffalo Springfield. Great song, though I thought the line:
singing songs and a-carrying signs
mostly say hooray for our side
was
singing songs and a-carrying signs
mostly say hooray for our signs
I kinda prefer my misheard version. In any case, I'd not believe some of those quoted on this thread were genuine and not get too precious either way. After all,
what does "Chomping" mean?
If you go down to the woods today
you better go in disguise
Now children, what does disguise mean?
4-year-old me:
like in an aeroplane or helicopter or somethin'
I can lay so much at this door, starting with my insistence to always properly enunciate my ths, such as "the skies" and not "de skies."
I must say, possibly because I'm quite prone to them, I like an aul' malapropism now and then and include some deliberately in my writing and probably some not so deliberately.
One of mine that I recently had corrected comes from For What It's Worth by Buffalo Springfield. Great song, though I thought the line:
singing songs and a-carrying signs
mostly say hooray for our side
was
singing songs and a-carrying signs
mostly say hooray for our signs
I kinda prefer my misheard version. In any case, I'd not believe some of those quoted on this thread were genuine and not get too precious either way. After all,
what does "Chomping" mean?
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