Character Stuck on backstory /motivation of main antagonist

[aside_dish]

Hey, so I'm writing a fantasy story that is supposed to be one big critique on the current administration's in America. Trump, Musk, Mike Johnson, all of them.

I posted my proposed query letter below online, and some people pointed out that I don't really have any female representation -- and I agree. So, I wanted to fix that issue, but am having a bit of trouble with the backstory. Here's the context you'll need:

"In Cathartia, prophecy isn’t divine revelation – it’s civil service. The Ministry of Prophetic Affairs oversees the process with all the warmth and efficiency of a tax audit. But when the king falls ill and his son, Prince Owyn, assumes control, he decides prophecies need less red tape and more theatrical bloodletting.

To prove he’s tough on crime (and destiny), the prince appoints a loyalist to run the MPA, forces out the old Minister, and pushes for more brutal executions. Enter Dr. Garumund Executionerson, Cathartia’s foremost executioner and the Department Head of the School of Decapitatorial Sciences at the local university. When a new Dark One is born, Garumund is chosen to fulfill the prophecy by striking him down with the Great Axe – which the prince insists be “the sharpest an axe has ever been,” despite Garumund’s protests.

The axe shatters. The baby survives. The prophecy collapses. The realm is doomed. Garumund is thrown into the dungeon and rebranded as “the Axedemic,” his name now shorthand for the greatest screw-up in prophetic history.

But there, beneath the stone floors of Cathartia, he hears something unexpected: the cries of the baby Dark One, tortured daily as state-approved alternatives to decapitation are tested on him. When he learns the crown plans to exploit a legal loophole to detain the child indefinitely, Garumund makes a daring escape – and takes the baby with him.

On the run, Garumund finds himself raising Evil itself – a child shadowed by spirits, worshipped by cultists, and prone to unsettling acts of violence, often in Garumund’s defense. Desperate to save both the boy and the realm, he turns to the only thing he knows: the science of mercy. Convinced that ethics can be taught as rigorously as technique, Garumund begins training the child in the decapitatorial sciences – teaching him the geometry of restraint, the moral weight of the blade, and how to use his Evil for good."

Now, I wanted to insert this new female character as the Russ Vought of the story. The idealogue who is the real brains behind the corruption with their own agenda who wants to deregulate everything and consolidate power. And I'm thinking of a few different ideas, and want to know what you guys think.

My first idea is simple in that she simply craves power for the sake of power.

But I'm also thinking that maybe she believes regulation gets in the way of progress, so she wants to remove the barriers to let the prince rule freely. But I'm not sure if this works because that wouldn't really differentiate her goals from the prince's.

Next, I'm thinking that she wants to keep the Dark Ones alive so she can imprison them and siphon their dark magic.

Lastly, I'm thinking that perhaps she believes that magic has become chained, and dark magic must be allowed to survive (and thrive) to restore balance to the land). I think this one could be interesting because she only works with the prince to manipulate him into botching the execution of the Dark One so that he may live. Meaning, she doesn't actually want the child dead and is in direct opposition to the prince.

Anyways, just curious what you guys think of these ideas, or if you have any ideas you think may work better here. Thanks!

 

[DLC]

Probably better not to let your whacky political beliefs leak out, there's lots of other places they'd love that though.

 

[aside_dish]

Probably better not to let your whacky political beliefs leak out, there's lots of other places they'd love that though.

Well, I mean, that's literally what my story is about

Edit: Don't really feel like I could give proper context without telling the inspiration behind the characters.

 

[Luxuria]

I am thinking you should not shove female characters in a story just because. I don’t think you need it and I also don’t understand why this Prince Owen decides to make more spectacular executions. Please explain further as to why you need a female character, because I think having a poorly written character is worse than none at all.

 

[aside_dish]

I am thinking you should not shove female characters in a story just because. I don’t think you need it and I also don’t understand why this Prince Owen decides to make more spectacular executions. Please explain further as to why you need a female character, because I think having a poorly written character is worse than none at all.

I feel like I definitely should've mentioned that I was thinking of adding this character anyways! The story was always about critiquing Trump, Musk, and Vought, and it didn't feel right to not have that Vought-like character. Female or not, I was likely going to add this character. But lack of representation can definitely be a big turn off, it's easy to implement without shoehorning a bad character in (as said above, was going to add this character anyways), and I'm very much someone that wouldn't want something like that hurting my chances of selling my manuscript when it's so easily fixable. Basically, it's not important to the story that this character is a man.

As for why the prince wants more spectacular executions? Some of it is showmanship. Some of it is to try to discourage crime. Some of it is just missing the way things used to be in society in general.

 

[Louanne Learning]

@aside_dish - what a highly imaginative story! The effort you put into it is apparent.

I'm wondering - will this be more dramatic or comedic, like a satire?

I think with this added female character you'll want to make her key motivator her ideology, from which all her decisions flow?

 

[aside_dish]

@aside_dish - what a highly imaginative story! The effort you put into it is apparent.

I'm wondering - will this be more dramatic or comedic, like a satire?

I think with this added female character you'll want to make her key motivator her ideology, from which all her decisions flow?

Thanks! It's more satirical, like Discworld. And I guess I'm still trying to figure out if I want her ideology to revolve around wanting to free dark magic so it can restore balance to the realm, or something else.

I think it might be interesting to have her as more of a morally grey character, or one whose motivations are not immediately known, then we find out she's not really on the prince's side either. But I definitely want her to be the brains behind everything, using the buffoinish prince.

 

[Luxuria]

I feel like I definitely should've mentioned that I was thinking of adding this character anyways!

Okay, that's fair.

The story was always about critiquing Trump, Musk, and Vought, and it didn't feel right to not have that Vought-like character. Female or not, I was likely going to add this character. But lack of representation can definitely be a big turn off, it's easy to implement without shoehorning a bad character in (as said above, was going to add this character anyways),

No idea who the last guy you listed is, but I wonder though if you might be better off critiquing the ideological foundation of both people, rather than the people themselves? Because I feel like everyone is writing a 'I Hate XYZ' story and I think it might end up being a time capsule story, rather than a timeless lesson about the dangers of X or Z. Not that it's wrong to write a story like this, but I feel like a zombie story, it has a short window of relevance.

As for a female character, I don't think lack of rep is a bad thing. Because I hate books that decide that they NEED a character to be X or Z and that character is shallow and shoehorned. Maybe instead of ADDING a character, write Character 3 as a man, then switch the pronouns when you're done with the draft?

As for why the prince wants more spectacular executions? Some of it is showmanship. Some of it is to try to discourage crime. Some of it is just missing the way things used to be in society in general.

I get it, but I feel like for the Prince to justify bringing back spectator executions, there needs to be a bigger reason than this. Because for example, for the ancient Romans and Aztecs, there was a religious meaning behind human sacrifice and even the gladiator shows. So, i think fleshing this idea out more for it to make sense, would better in the long run, rather than 'author thought it was cool'.

 

[aside_dish]

Okay, that's fair.

No idea who the last guy you listed is, but I wonder though if you might be better off critiquing the ideological foundation of both people, rather than the people themselves? Because I feel like everyone is writing a 'I Hate XYZ' story and I think it might end up being a time capsule story, rather than a timeless lesson about the dangers of X or Z. Not that it's wrong to write a story like this, but I feel like a zombie story, it has a short window of relevance.

As for a female character, I don't think lack of rep is a bad thing. Because I hate books that decide that they NEED a character to be X or Z and that character is shallow and shoehorned. Maybe instead of ADDING a character, write Character 3 as a man, then switch the pronouns when you're done with the draft?

I get it, but I feel like for the Prince to justify bringing back spectator executions, there needs to be a bigger reason than this. Because for example, for the ancient Romans and Aztecs, there was a religious meaning behind human sacrifice and even the gladiator shows. So, i think fleshing this idea out more for it to make sense, would better in the long run, rather than 'author thought it was cool'.

That's a good point. My story definitely focuses on the principles and belief behind these characters, but still wanted the character themselves to be satirical versions of real ones, ya know? And Vought refers to Russell Vought. He's the current head of the Office of Management and Budget in the United States, and the brainchild behind Project 2025, which has been the playbook for Trump and his cabinet during this second term. It calls for all sorts of radical changes to the country and a dismantling of all sorts of programs and safeguards that help people. IMO, he's the most dangerous man in the country right now.

As for the prince's reasons for wanting more flair during executions, I explain why more in the book. A whole monologue or three about it, lol.

 

[Luxuria]

That's a good point. My story definitely focuses on the principles and belief behind these characters, but still wanted the character themselves to be satirical versions of real ones, ya know? And Vought refers to Russell Vought. He's the current head of the Office of Management and Budget in the United States, and the brainchild behind Project 2025, which has been the playbook for Trump and his cabinet during this second term. It calls for all sorts of radical changes to the country and a dismantling of all sorts of programs and safeguards that help people. IMO, he's the most dangerous man in the country right now.

As for the prince's reasons for wanting more flair during executions, I explain why more in the book. A whole monologue or three about it, lol.

Okay, that works then. I just think weaving politics into stories is possible, but should be done carefully. Not in a way it hits people over the head with it, rather make it a part of the world and the political systems in place in this world. Anyway, as for the Prince, I will trust you have it under control as you say.