Hey, so I'm writing a fantasy story that is supposed to be one big critique on the current administration's in America. Trump, Musk, Mike Johnson, all of them.
I posted my proposed query letter below online, and some people pointed out that I don't really have any female representation -- and I agree. So, I wanted to fix that issue, but am having a bit of trouble with the backstory. Here's the context you'll need:
"In Cathartia, prophecy isn’t divine revelation – it’s civil service. The Ministry of Prophetic Affairs oversees the process with all the warmth and efficiency of a tax audit. But when the king falls ill and his son, Prince Owyn, assumes control, he decides prophecies need less red tape and more theatrical bloodletting.
To prove he’s tough on crime (and destiny), the prince appoints a loyalist to run the MPA, forces out the old Minister, and pushes for more brutal executions. Enter Dr. Garumund Executionerson, Cathartia’s foremost executioner and the Department Head of the School of Decapitatorial Sciences at the local university. When a new Dark One is born, Garumund is chosen to fulfill the prophecy by striking him down with the Great Axe – which the prince insists be “the sharpest an axe has ever been,” despite Garumund’s protests.
The axe shatters. The baby survives. The prophecy collapses. The realm is doomed. Garumund is thrown into the dungeon and rebranded as “the Axedemic,” his name now shorthand for the greatest screw-up in prophetic history.
But there, beneath the stone floors of Cathartia, he hears something unexpected: the cries of the baby Dark One, tortured daily as state-approved alternatives to decapitation are tested on him. When he learns the crown plans to exploit a legal loophole to detain the child indefinitely, Garumund makes a daring escape – and takes the baby with him.
On the run, Garumund finds himself raising Evil itself – a child shadowed by spirits, worshipped by cultists, and prone to unsettling acts of violence, often in Garumund’s defense. Desperate to save both the boy and the realm, he turns to the only thing he knows: the science of mercy. Convinced that ethics can be taught as rigorously as technique, Garumund begins training the child in the decapitatorial sciences – teaching him the geometry of restraint, the moral weight of the blade, and how to use his Evil for good."
Now, I wanted to insert this new female character as the Russ Vought of the story. The idealogue who is the real brains behind the corruption with their own agenda who wants to deregulate everything and consolidate power. And I'm thinking of a few different ideas, and want to know what you guys think.
My first idea is simple in that she simply craves power for the sake of power.
But I'm also thinking that maybe she believes regulation gets in the way of progress, so she wants to remove the barriers to let the prince rule freely. But I'm not sure if this works because that wouldn't really differentiate her goals from the prince's.
Next, I'm thinking that she wants to keep the Dark Ones alive so she can imprison them and siphon their dark magic.
Lastly, I'm thinking that perhaps she believes that magic has become chained, and dark magic must be allowed to survive (and thrive) to restore balance to the land). I think this one could be interesting because she only works with the prince to manipulate him into botching the execution of the Dark One so that he may live. Meaning, she doesn't actually want the child dead and is in direct opposition to the prince.
Anyways, just curious what you guys think of these ideas, or if you have any ideas you think may work better here. Thanks!
I posted my proposed query letter below online, and some people pointed out that I don't really have any female representation -- and I agree. So, I wanted to fix that issue, but am having a bit of trouble with the backstory. Here's the context you'll need:
"In Cathartia, prophecy isn’t divine revelation – it’s civil service. The Ministry of Prophetic Affairs oversees the process with all the warmth and efficiency of a tax audit. But when the king falls ill and his son, Prince Owyn, assumes control, he decides prophecies need less red tape and more theatrical bloodletting.
To prove he’s tough on crime (and destiny), the prince appoints a loyalist to run the MPA, forces out the old Minister, and pushes for more brutal executions. Enter Dr. Garumund Executionerson, Cathartia’s foremost executioner and the Department Head of the School of Decapitatorial Sciences at the local university. When a new Dark One is born, Garumund is chosen to fulfill the prophecy by striking him down with the Great Axe – which the prince insists be “the sharpest an axe has ever been,” despite Garumund’s protests.
The axe shatters. The baby survives. The prophecy collapses. The realm is doomed. Garumund is thrown into the dungeon and rebranded as “the Axedemic,” his name now shorthand for the greatest screw-up in prophetic history.
But there, beneath the stone floors of Cathartia, he hears something unexpected: the cries of the baby Dark One, tortured daily as state-approved alternatives to decapitation are tested on him. When he learns the crown plans to exploit a legal loophole to detain the child indefinitely, Garumund makes a daring escape – and takes the baby with him.
On the run, Garumund finds himself raising Evil itself – a child shadowed by spirits, worshipped by cultists, and prone to unsettling acts of violence, often in Garumund’s defense. Desperate to save both the boy and the realm, he turns to the only thing he knows: the science of mercy. Convinced that ethics can be taught as rigorously as technique, Garumund begins training the child in the decapitatorial sciences – teaching him the geometry of restraint, the moral weight of the blade, and how to use his Evil for good."
Now, I wanted to insert this new female character as the Russ Vought of the story. The idealogue who is the real brains behind the corruption with their own agenda who wants to deregulate everything and consolidate power. And I'm thinking of a few different ideas, and want to know what you guys think.
My first idea is simple in that she simply craves power for the sake of power.
But I'm also thinking that maybe she believes regulation gets in the way of progress, so she wants to remove the barriers to let the prince rule freely. But I'm not sure if this works because that wouldn't really differentiate her goals from the prince's.
Next, I'm thinking that she wants to keep the Dark Ones alive so she can imprison them and siphon their dark magic.
Lastly, I'm thinking that perhaps she believes that magic has become chained, and dark magic must be allowed to survive (and thrive) to restore balance to the land). I think this one could be interesting because she only works with the prince to manipulate him into botching the execution of the Dark One so that he may live. Meaning, she doesn't actually want the child dead and is in direct opposition to the prince.
Anyways, just curious what you guys think of these ideas, or if you have any ideas you think may work better here. Thanks!
