A Chosen One storyline -- but the Chosen One is mentally shattered.

I think this is a symptom of plot driven writing when there isn't an equivalent amount of work put into character development. Like, when the plot says character must to A, B, C, D, like a recipe, but we only explore their actions and reactions, not the motivations, as you suggest.
Yeah, that's what it is. Plot driven is not something I tend to do as I my stories are naturally more character driven. So yes, it can come across like a recipe.
It's also often the case that writing targeted at younger readers tends to be more black and white
Yeah... as a kid, I didn't buy this. I still don't. I discovered a treasure trove in Anime and Manga, because the characters were not black and white. Which was awesome.
It's also often the case that writing targeted at younger readers tends to be more black and white -- good is good and bad is bad, it just is, because it's simpler. I found this with Eragon, it's too clean, but my son loved it. Writing for a more mature audience allows for nuance in exploring grey areas. Something like Harry, I suspect (forgive my assumptions, it never held my interest to read the entire series) while the latter books may mature in content, they are still based on a character that was founded in a black and white children's world.
And yeah, Harry Potter gets more 'mature' as the years go on. But Harry's still boring as fuck. Like, I realized I don't even think of him as a character. He's just... there. To show us the Wizarding World. Weird thing though, I didn't have a favorite character. I thought all the characters were fine. I didn't feel attached to them like I did Bobby Pendragon in the Pendragon Series. But, I think it's because Bobby had snark and personality.
That sounds like a really interesting concept, to me. Not like the clueless hero hasn't been done before, but this feels like a subversion of the hero's journey that could work really well. (Or fall flat on it's face because he's forgotten everything he learned on the way.) I'm kind of picturing the team of friends finishing the quest, dragging him along because the prophecy says he has to be there. Could result in some interesting emotional dynamics between the group.
THANKS! (Feel free to use, Link!) I am glad it could work really well. I tend to ignore the hero's journey most of the time, because many of my stories and characters begin at the 'Dark Moment' of their arc. And soon discover, yes. It can get worse. You have not hit rock bottom yet. And yeah! I like the idea of his friends dragging him along as 'mandatory prophesy dude'.
 
I think some of his friends would actually fight the idea of dragging him along. :P “He’s essentially a child now. We’re not dragging him into a war!” Honestly, that’s kinda half the conflict. The higher ups who believe in the prophecy want him to keep fighting. The other half wants to protect him, while there’s a fringe group who thinks the prophecy was a lie.

My main struggle with this concept is that (and forgive me if I’m repeating myself here) I’m not sure if I want him to have a total emotional collapse where he’s essentially in what amounts to an ‘eternal childhood’ (i.e., Angelica Hamilton after the death of her brother in 1804. She was said to dress plainly, sing and dance, or play tunes from her childhood. She would constantly refer to/ask about her brother as if he were still alive.)

It’s either that, or he’s lucid with moments where he suddenly acts more childish, clamming up, drawing back from strangers, maybe even grabbing Polina’s hand or cracking inappropriate jokes.

I suppose my fear is: Am I just writing him as if he were a literal eight year old in a giant body? If I’m doing that, why didn’t I just make him eight physically? There’s so much about this beyond… well, maybe the point is that he doesn’t think he’s eight, he feels he’s eight. He’s not stupid. I think he’s subconsciously aware he’s much older than eight, which could be a source of frustration for him, like he knows he used to be more capable than this. He knows he used to do so much more but for some reason, it’s like his brain is holding him back. Maybe he feels ashamed ‘cause it’s like now his friends have to take care of him like he were a helpless little boy, rather than a peer. This might actually push him to be reckless, get himself into more danger than necessary. Maybe Polina, trying to help, accidentally makes it worse by cooing gently, “You don’t need to be strong all the time…” but it just pisses him off ‘cause he doesn’t want that. He wants… something, something steady, firm. To remind him of who he was. Of who he still can be.

Here are some excerpts so you get the idea. Not asking for critique, just showing.

Tharbie blinked at the stuffie in his hand. “What… Why am I even…” He tossed it over to the pillows stacked on the other end of the sofa. He looked at the television. The Legend of Mohawk was playing, the titular character in a library, running his hands along a dotted pattern in an opened ledger, his best friend next to him listening intently. Tharbie chuckled. Hadn’t seen this show in ages… Must be re-runs.


He leaned back into the sofa, arm outstretched and leg over a knee. Felt speckles of crumb on his chin. Wiping them off, he noticed a plate of milk cookies on the coffee table. His, apparently. He took a half-eaten cookie. Paused. Wait… are they… gonna think I’m a kid? Or if I genuinely just wanted a cookie?


He did want the cookies, and the milk. He did want to watch The Legend of Mohawk.


But was that him who wanted to, or…


He curled his lips inward. The memory was fuzzy, he had no words to express it. He remembered snuggling up against Polina. He remembered being safe around Ishim and his wife. He liked that. He wanted that.


Why am I being treated like a damned kid?


“Your brain was hurt. Badly.” Those words were Polina’s. They had gone to a specialist who examined him with some kind of magical powers that made her hand glow.


My brain got hurt.


Tharbie nodded slowly. In the show, Mohawk was tapping down the sidewalk, pointing at something. Exclaiming, “Wait, what is that?” Then laughing when his friends fell for the prank. Tharbie chuckled. Mohawk was always a prankster. A lovable, brave little prankster.


Guess that’s what made him endearing.


Tharbie stood, walked to the window. My brain got hurt.


Well, what happened to it?
Isadore was numb. Frozen. His eyes refused to process what he saw. Tharbie, his best friend, the brave, scrappy lad he met just two years ago… sobbing hysterically in the corner, curled up, knees to chin, arms covering his face, his whole body shaking uncontrollably. Polia kneeling beside him, helpless.


He had seen Tharbie upset before, of course. Shedded tears at a death, fury when his favorite team lost. But not this. Never this. This was too… primal. Too raw.


“P-please… please… I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” he hiccoughed. “I’ll be better! I’ll be better! Don’t lock me down there. Please!”


Polia glanced at Isadore, her eyes brimming with tears. A desperate plea for answers.


Lock you down… “Tharbie,” Isadore said, keeping his voice as gentle and calm as he could. “Where…”


Polia lightly touched his arm. Tharbie shrieked, pulled away as if she had shocked him. She pressed her fist against her mouth. Horrified.


“What… in the name of the Eternals…” Ishim muttered. Isadore gave him a look. “Has he shared any of this with you?”


Isadore shook his head. “No. Never had.” He racked his brain. He knew, from what little he spoke of his past, there was a headmaster of an orphanage, and he ran away from the facility. He had figured Tharbie didn’t like its strict rules.


But…


Anger began to simmer in his chest. What in the Goddess’ name did he do to you?


“Did he say where he came from?” Isadore asked.


Polia shot him a glare. “Now’s not the time.”


Isadore sniffed, tightened his fists. He watched Polia whisper to Tharbie, say his name repeatedly as if trying to get through to him.


“It’s all right, we’re here,” Polia said. “We’re not going to hurt you, Tharbie. None of us.”


“I-I don’t… I don’t…”


“Tharbie,” Isadore said, “when have we ever hurt you?”


Tharbie looked at him, his face smeared with tears and snot. It killed him to see his friend looking like this. Acting like this.


He thought over the oddities yesterday. The simple, childlike questions, the random hugs, calling him ‘Mr. Isadore’ and ‘sir’. He had assumed Tharbie was just pulling a prank on them.


But this? The crying? The pleading? He couldn’t fake that. Something happened to you. Something broke in you.

“The Legend of Mohawk, sir,” Tharbie said. Isadore flinched slightly, but kept his cool. “It’s about a blind boy ninja who fights scary monsters with… echo or somethin’? He’s got friends who help him, some even fight alongside him.”


“Hmm, echo…” Isadore nodded. “Echolocation, I presume?”


“What?” Tharbie raised an eyebrow.


“Like how bats do it. Make a ping sound, wait for feedback. It’s how they know how close or how far something is. I guess that’s how he’d do it.”


“Oh…” Tharbie nodded. “Well, he’s very cool and brave. His friends say so. But some others are really mean, saying he can’t fight ‘cause he’s blind.”


Isadore shrugged. “People are like that I’m afraid,” he said, remembering the biting words from General Henrai. “So, Mohawk… What else does he do?”


Tharbie’s eyes lit up. “Oh! He mainly jokes, likes to build model ships and set them out into the pond to see if they’ll float. Sometimes they don’t.” He giggled. “But he also reads…” He held up a hand, ran his fingers back and forth as if he were feeling a invisible line. “I think they said…” He flipped the pages toward the beginning of the book. Flipped more, then more. “Wait, hold on. Hooooold on…”


Isadore shifted, cleared his throat.


“There!” Tharbie exclaimed, turning the book over and shoving it into Isadore’s face, a finger over a line. Isadore squinted.

“Say it plainly,” Isadore said.


The healer stiffened, inhaled. “This is no hex, no curse,” she said. “Tharbie suffered a complete neurological breakdown. Essentially, the brain processes trauma and stress the best way it knows how — it compartmentalizes, it rationalizes, it forgets. The brain is strong, but even it can get overwhelmed. Think of it like putting a stack of wooden planks over four watermelons. Eventually, the burden becomes so great that the watermelons collapse in on themselves.”


The war… The Prophecy… Isadore swallowed. “So… it, just, what, threw out everything he ever knew? He acted like he didn’t even know me.”


“It retreated,” the healer said. “And in doing so, it cut off everything it didn’t think was necessary for basic survival.”


“So… how does it connect with him acting like a kid?”


“Because it retreated to a time where it felt the most safest. Where the world made sense.”


Tharbie was eight years old when the Duchess’s army went into his village, ransacked the place. Burnt half of it to the ground. Killed his parents.


Goddess… It went that far back?


He remembered what happened just before this: him smuggling a child onto a refugee airship, then a missile barrage blowing it and several others out of the sky. Tharbie screaming, running toward the burning, falling wreckages.


The child, along with hundreds of others, didn’t make it.


“What does the lady mean?” Tharbie asked, his legs kicking between the chair legs.


“It means…” Polia’s voice trailed off. “It means your brain got hurt. Badly, and now it’s trying to fix itself.”


“Oh.” Tharbie paused. “Does it need help?”


Isadore tightened his jaw. “Tell me, is this forever or… can he recover?”


The healer sighed. “Realistically? Months. It will take months, if not years depending on how far back the brain retreated into itself.”


Isadore licked his lips. “And… And it thinks he’s a child? He’s not… faking it?”


“No,” the healer shook her head. “This is his brain trying to protect itself.”


“Wh-what can we do?” Polia asked, her voice breaking.


“Be there for him, protect him. You will have to treat him as if he were an eight-year-old in the body of a teenaged boy. Be patient, he might ask or do things that he wouldn’t have before this.”


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


“We’ll have to notify the council,” Isadore said, running a hand through his hair. “Damn it all…”


He, Ishim, and Polia were back





“I don’t think the Prophecy’s gonna apply anymore, Ishim,” Isadore said. “Not when he’s in this state.”


“The Duchess might not care,” Ishim said. “If she thinks he’s still alive, even in hiding, she’s not gonna care if he’s mentally a child. She’ll go after him all the same.”


“And even if there was another one,” Polia said, “no telling where that person is, or if they’re even of age…”


Isadore sucked in his cheeks. “So what do you two suggest? Take a guy who can barely tie his own boots without help and put him on the front lines?”


Polia shot up to her feet, glowering. “How dare you? That’s not what I’m saying at all! But we can’t pretend there isn’t a crisis unfolding before us! The Duchess is this close to obtaining the damned trident, and once she gets it, it’s over.”


“She’s right,” Ishim said. “The council’s gonna be pissed about this. Some might put him out there anyway—”


“Not going to happen,” Polia snapped. “But this is the situation we’re looking at right now: the Chosen One, as it stands, can’t even protect himself now. It’s up to us.”
 
Last edited:
I think some of his friends would actually fight the idea of dragging him along. :P “He’s essentially a child now. We’re not dragging him into a war!” Honestly, that’s kinda half the conflict. The higher ups who believe in the prophecy want him to keep fighting. The other half wants to protect him, while there’s a fringe group who thinks the prophecy was a lie.
Well, he seems to have very nice friends. What if they have no choice? I mean, if they realize the world is ending or whatever, they might have to drag him along. Or worse, make the choice to let the world end, because he can't uphold the prophesy.
Am I just writing him as if he were a literal eight year old in a giant body? If I’m doing that, why didn’t I just make him eight physically? There’s so much about this beyond… well, maybe the point is that he doesn’t think he’s eight, he feels he’s eight. He’s not stupid. I think he’s subconsciously aware he’s much older than eight, which could be a source of frustration for him, like he knows he used to be more capable than this.
I think aging him down would be a disservice. Because what 8 year old is the Chosen One? In most stories the chosen one usually makes it to the teen years somewhat fine. I think it would seem more cruel to drag him into the conflict if he was eight. Anyway, have you thought of any way his brain might break out of this mentality?
 
Well, I figured, what if he has visions that he tried to convey to them but even he can’t understand it and is terrified.

I dunno if he mentally breaks out of it, least not immediately. Maybe an epilogue set months after the final battle showing him working on a farm, at peace? Showing he’s still recovering, maybe not all what he used to be, but he’s alive.
 
Well, I figured, what if he has visions that he tried to convey to them but even he can’t understand it and is terrified.
Oh, I like this idea. Giving characters bad dreams is always fun.
I dunno if he mentally breaks out of it, least not immediately. Maybe an epilogue set months after the final battle showing him working on a farm, at peace? Showing he’s still recovering, maybe not all what he used to be, but he’s alive.
Oh, I like the idea of him going back to the farm, too. I think it's great.
 
Back
Top