Canon of Friend

[Heartlet Happer]

The problem:
It appears that classic literature, philosophers, sacred texts of religions include all possible ideals of Love but not Friend. Plato leaves the definition of Friend unsolved on purpose. The Greek Philotes is not God of Friend with rank of deity but is a mere spirit. Somehow humanity have skipped the homework about friendship and jumped to Love. This has perpetual consequences over vast span of history, like rise of hyper individualism, empathy crises, cynicism.

When the canon of friend is specifically looked for in fiction, there is nearly always a problem. Stories rarely explain how the friends became friends.

Typical examples where origin is skipped:
- SpongeBob has always been a friend with Patrick, as long as everyone remember
- Equestria villagers of Friendship is Magic stories are all friends from episode one
- Ancient poet Virgil had friends, but never explained in writing, because too intimate
- VWinnie the Pooh and everyone are all friends who exist timelessly without inception

Rare gems where start of friendship shown as forced by environment:
- Andy Weir Project Hail Mary: human and alien became friends only because everyone else dies
- Summer camp alternative story of Spongebob and Patrick inception
- Harry Potter is assigned by sorting hat, thus Griffindore are friends now

Where is God of Friend? Literature needs the canon with well-defined rules

Edit: collected links and keywords
Philotes. Spirit of friendship in Greek mythology
Celtic Canon Anam Cara by John O'Donohue thanks to @Louanne Learning
Radegast. Slavic God of hospitality
Aristotle's friendship of virtue and other kinds of friendships "Be excellent to each other" by Keanu Reeves' friend Ted in a movie might be a reference to Aristotle.

 

[JT Woody]

Stories rarely explain how the friends became friends.

Unless how they became friends is important to the story, it doesnt matter how their friendship started.

Rare gems where start of friendship shown as forced by environment:
- Andy Weir Project Hail Mary: human and alien became friends only because everyone else dies
- Summer camp alternative story of Spongebob and Patrick inception
- Harry Potter is assigned by sorting hat, thus Griffindore are friends now

These are important to the stories



The key takeaway is to write what is important to the story. Spongebob doesnt need patrick on his adventures.
Harry needs ron and hermoine on his.
It doesnt matter how or why spongebob and patrick became friends. It matters in Harry Potter because of Harry's background and ron and hermoine essentially being fellow misfits. There is no emotional impact or character growth in the sponebob/patrick relationship. But there is in Harry Potter.

Somehow humanity have skipped the homework about friendship and jumped to Love.

My husband and i werent really friends when we met. He was a classmate. We never hung out. We made small talk here and there. He'd silently carry my books to class.
Someone else told me that he did that because he liked me, so i asked him out and we started dating.


There is no hard/fast rule with friendship and love in real life. But in writing.... whatever it is has to have purpose.

 

[Homer Potvin]

He'd silently carry my books to class.

How old where you guys?

 

[JT Woody]

How old where you guys?

14-15

 

[Heartlet Happer]

There is no hard/fast rule with friendship and love in real life. But in writing.... whatever it is has to have purpose.

That is what I am attempting to research. Rules. The Love game mechanics are very well defined, advertised and commercialized to industrial scale level since literature exists. But when I try to see how Friend mechanics work, it turns much less defined, both in real life and in fiction, and in between places like online games. As if there was an invisible power involved, puff, and we became friends.

 

[Louanne Learning]

include all possible ideals of Love but not Friend

the Irish have a concept - anam cara - an old Irish Gaelic term - which translates to "soul friend"

So, what is an anam cara?​

I have been living with this question for some time now.

A soul friend is a frequency match.

A solid friend.

You can tell them anything. Even the things you don’t want to tell yourself.

They know your sorrows and elations and insecurities and hold them tenderly.

The person you get excited with, cry to and belly laugh about ridiculous things (I’m talking bellows and howls).

A soul friend that makes you feel safe and seen in the world.

They are also a whole lot of fun. Joy is important.

Irish philosopher and poet John O'Donohue wrote the book - in which he "excavates themes of friendship" -

Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom​

 

[Heartlet Happer]

anam cara - an old Irish Gaelic term - which translates to "soul friend"

Thank you. Researching it, and so far looks like a mysticism approach.
Interestingly, the one source I found earlier was book of friendship poems by Rumi. He had a spiritual teacher, sufi, who teached him about friendship with mysticism involved.

It seems that humanity tried to do the homework, but never handed it complete, that what I mean by mysticisms.

 

[Rigor Mortis]

I remember reading something a long time ago, and can't attest to its accuracy, saying that people are often long-term friends with others who share the same or alphabetically close first letter on their surname, arising from being lined up as children/recruits according to alphabetic placement. In school, we were arranged according to score in an entrance exam, which played a major part in those we spent time with, and with whom we developed friendships during school time. Interests, hobbies, sports bring people together as well.

One could view all that with some pessimism, thinking about the randomness of friendship development. One could also view it as something better than that, indicating that chance or random shared interests are enough, that people will seek out and find friends in any and all random circumstances.

The more intense the environment, often the more absolute the terms of friendship, something that comes across vividly in Band of Brothers, which I read recently.

 

[Heartlet Happer]

alphabetic placement. In school

The sorting hat exists! I was placed in one (A) of three classes named A, B and C (but in cyrillic alphabet). I realise now, that letters were relevant to what academic performance was expected from students. The screening was happening before September, sometime in the summer.

My two best friends in that class succeeded in life relying on education more than others. Thanks to sorting hat. The B and C classes made their carriers based on personal connections and good looks more than based on education.

The more intense the environment, often the more absolute the terms of friendship

That seems intuitively true from what I see in fiction art. I did not read Band of Brothers. What comes to mind is Forrest Gump movie.

 

[JT Woody]

The more intense the environment, often the more absolute the terms of friendship, something that comes across vividly in Band of Brothers, which I read recently.

Whats interesting about this is... bei g on a team for so long, i never saw my teammates as "friends." I liked some of them, i woukd socialize with the ones that i liked. But outside of team functions, i never really associated with them.
I had that separation: teammate vs friend.
I was actually very adamant when i moved in to the dorms that i DID NOT want to room with another athlete. But the school roomed me qith another athlete because they thought we would have a lot in common and become friends, especially since we were on the same team.
We didnt have much in common. We were not friends.

people are often long-term friends with others who share the same or alphabetically close first letter on their surname, arising from being lined up as children/recruits according to alphabetic placement

Lmao! Im at the end of the alphabet.
My best friends growing up were at the beginning. And my longtime friends (my oldest friend from HS didnt even go to the same school as me) are also in the beginning of the alphabet.
And my husband, when we went to school together, was at the beginning of the alphabet.

People also say opposites attract. They also say like-minded/commonalities attract.
It depends on the person and people involved. There is no "1 Rule for All."
Many many factors go in to friendship and its my opinion that lasting friendships occur when you find someone that fills what you lack, and you fill what the other lacks.