Spew us with some Flarf

Louanne Learning

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Winner: 4th Contest August Winner: June Flash Fiction
I am in favour of anything that makes an artist more outlandish. We capture ourselves in our outlandishness. Screech, if you need to.

Poets.org defines Flarf poetry as follows –

Flarf: A quality of intentional or unintentional "flarfiness." A kind of corrosive, cute, or cloying, awfulness. Wrong. Un-P.C. Out of control. "Not okay."

A few quotes from an interesting read giving a dialectic description between conceptualism and Flarf, at Mainstream Poetry (I encourage you to read the entire article) -

Flarf is poetry. It is about everything that is not poetry.

Conceptualism is composed. Flarf is compost.

Flarf has an anaphylactic shock for every situation.

Conceptualism has one answer, and that is: being boring without being alienating.

Flarf, by not providing a motherfucking note to tell you what it's supposed to be, activates thought.

Flarf is Fortran roid rage: leggo my ego.

Conceptualism is a can-can in the bathroom mirror, the discourse of the shave.

The best conceptualism is readable and successful.

Flarf fails in doing what it sets its mind to, to be bad. Flarf is Goooooooooooood.

Poetry is Conceptualism.

Flarf is life.


And here from one of the original flarfists – poet Gary Sullivan -

Mm-hmm
Yeah, mm-hmm, it's true
big birds make
big doo! I got fire inside
my "huppa"-chimpTM
gonna be agreessive, greasy aw yeah god
wanna DOOT! DOOT!
Pffffffffffffffffffffffffft! hey!
oooh yeah baby gonna shake & bake then take
AWWWWWL your monee, honee (tee hee)
uggah duggah buggah biggah buggah muggah
hey! hey! you stoopid Mick! get
off the paddy field and git
me some chocolate Quik
put a Q-tip in it and stir it up sick
pocka-mocka-chocka-locka-DING DONG
fuck! shit! piss! oh it's so sad that
syndrome what's it called tourette's
make me HAI-EE! shout out loud
Cuz I love thee. Thank you God, for listening!



And so I invite you to write a Flarf poem and post it here.
 
I was inspired to write this flarf poem by the image of Will Farrell playing the cow bell on the SNL skit

The Cow Bell

Genius in the cow bell,
Pavlov’s dog has got nothing on this.
I’ll be a cow and not a dog,
Bow-wow, and ruff-ruff don’t beat
The belly,
Riveting my attention
More than Hitler.
Belly on my mind,
How deep is your button?
Why hide it?
The clanking says it all.
And keeps me anonymous.
 
Sure
Yeah. Pst pst
In unexistent urban
Bache's fugah
Subwoofer basin
Audience captured
En masse from out in
My hair so wavey
In a wind sun blasting
On a high horse
Shiny me
No remorse
Silence
Music go slow
Tiny violin
From a pocket singin
What year of what day in spring
An outlandish poet
Was captured fast in place
On loopy train
In deepest forest
That he has ever been
In low glucose he spew the stream of words
And named it flarf spin
We have it ever since
On list of reasons
For aliens to stay unseen
Train comin out in
Tune off effect
Doppler dope
Fades
Mic drop
 
Why I am not invited to any more weddings

Gala tea and crunchy cakes
Part the party
Leave for leaves! Amazeing things.
But at the center of it all...
No! Bad Pygmalion.
Malike man marrying marriage marrying marriage
Egads. Gadzooks and other awful things.
A garden wedding, with stone as bride
Their moon is the ring
And Venus hangs beside to officiate
"Stop the wedding!"
I eat the statue
CRUNCH!
Kick the pyg
m
KAZERBAL!
explode the lion
BOOM!
then
with Aphrodite horrified
I marry the moon.
 
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