The dangers & need of comparing

[Mr Mononoke]

A writing friend once told me this:

"Don't compare yourself with others... not just yet."

This was back in my formulative years of writing, I was (and am in many ways) a naive writer, completely new to writing- an enthusiast desperate for others to read my story. When people gave suggestions, I would gobble up their 'advice' and fix as suggested, then dump this latest (and hopefully) perfect version out for approval. Time has taught that this is not a good method to become a better writer and often the silent replies afterwards highlighted my impatience at what I thought was progress and I learnt many harsh lessons.

This writing friend saw my passion, my need to tell my story (need not want) and gave that choice advice.

It has taken me many years to understand this message, and as I have walked through the many different levels and stages of my writing development (not all have been up, there are downs and I suspect more dips in the future) I am better prepared because of their words.

Comparing is something that is needed for every writer, so you can see where you can make improvements. You can see how others sentence structures, see how writers pick and choose words to lift a mundane piece to one that ties a story and form a secluded time where it is you and the voice telling you their story.

I was petrified at reading, because I was (and still not am) at the level required to make stories that sound like radio. I am sure that when we pick up our favourite book to read, the writing flows. You sit up and appreciate the text knowing the level of scrutiny it has gone through, the amount of editing and nitpicking that has taken place to create passages and scenes that constructs a house where you simply open the door, find a comfy chair, sit and listen.

My advocation to reading is not because I am avid reader, but in understanding how the best make their stories flow and connect.

I hold my writing friend's words close, because they have certainly held me.

Regardless of what stage you are as a writer, there is a need to compare. At the start, it is easy to lose heart, lose to the red lines and advice from good-intentioned writers. I found it is dangerous to hunt and change to the whim of writers who comment for a comment, becoming 'supporters' on a public space but never working in the background. It is important to gain feedback, but it is more important that writers formulate their own voice and not be copies or mimics of their favourite authors.

Compare and don't compare? I have realized the '... just yet,' was their message for me to develop my own style and to do that requires years and years of looking and searching deep within ourselves to find out who we you. In the world, there are millions of tribute acts... some are decent but they are never as good as the real artists.

 

[Naomasa298]

Oh, well, we all need validation. We need to know we belong where we want to be. No good me trying to compete at the French Open, I can hit a tennis ball but I'd be laughed off the court.

Compare and don't compare? I have realized the '... just yet,' was their message for me to develop my own style

Here, I disagree slightly. It's not so much about developing your own style as being comfortable and confident in whatever style you're using. I use different, distinct styles, depending on what I'm writing. I often write pastiches, particularly of my favourite author Jack Vance. I also have my own styles that are different for, say, literary stories vs horror or fantasy. I don't always write in the same voice, and some, I'm more confident with than others. I wouldn't let some of them see the light of day.

But if you have a strong grounding, and understand tone, cadence and rhythm, and you know how to apply and change them to fit the situation, you can be comfortable that you writing is strong enough to stand on its own two feet.

Of course, no matter how comfortable you are, it never hurts us to get that validation. It's pretty demoralising to get that latest rejection email when you think the story you wrote was the best you've ever written. You have to realise that not every story is going to fit every publisher's preferred tone. You could have written a perfect Hemingway piece, and you'll still get responses that say "Thanks, but it's not for us".

Of course, it's a little different if you're self-publishing. Then, if you've only sold half a dozen copies to friends and family, you wonder if what you've done is good enough. If you ARE wondering that, then I have two words for you - Empress Theresa. Even pieces of utter tripe can get sales, it doesn't mean they're "good" or "better".

It's true that some writing just isn't good enough. But a lot of writing fails simply because it doesn't get in front of the right audience, and comparing yourself to another writer won't fix that. It isn't worthless to compare yourself to another writer, if you know what you're looking for when you make that comparison. Not "am I as good as Joe-Bob?", but "Does my writing make my readers feel X the same way that Joe-Bob's does? And if not, how can I do it better?"

 

[Banespawn]

"Don't compare yourself with others... not just yet."

I'm a staunch advocate of comparing our writing to that of other writers. While I would agree that writers shouldn't stress about it early on in the process, it's unavoidable to a degree, and IMO not something we'd want to avoid. Even if we eschew reading any sort of fiction, we're going to be reading something. Forum posts, emails, text messages, whatever. If we are spending a significant amount of time writing and thinking about writing, then inevitably, our minds are going to compare what we read to what we write and note the differences.

To me, this is a vital part of growing as a writer. To reach any destination, we have to be cognizant of the path that will get us there. We have to have an awareness of the things we need to improve upon in order to achieve our writing goals.

To this end, I always encourage people to do reviews of other people's stories. Too many people focus on getting feedback rather than giving it. Getting feedback may help improve a specific story, but it isn't, generally, going to move the needle much in terms of making the author a better writer. We need to discover for ourselves what works and what doesn't, and how to put those lessons into practice. Reading with our writer's mind is what enables us to do that. Even when we are reading for pleasure, and our reader mind is fully in control, our writer mind should be watching in the background to make note of things the author did.

If a writer is simply writing, posting, editing based on feedback and posting again, over and over, they are never going to get anywhere. That is the hamster wheel of writing. We have to be our own best critics. We have to be able to recognize what is and isn't working in our own stories if we really want to improve as writers.

 

[Mr Mononoke]

It's true that some writing just isn't good enough. But a lot of writing fails simply because it doesn't get in front of the right audience, and comparing yourself to another writer won't fix that.

I think it is healthy that people have different opinions but I come from a school of thought, that if your stories are good enough, they will find an audience.

We have all seen very mediocre things rise to the top not because of talent or hard work, but in knowing the right people and having the correct connections and that is fine. I do not really concern myself with what others preach as finding 'success' through this and that method. What I value more is viewing how others who are better than me (and there are many, hence I am happy to sit on the ground and look up at how others work and learn) to write stories that people can remember, to leave an impression.

I am sure many of us have books on our shelves that are gathering dust, popular, decent reads but they are just a name with a title. I'd rather be that one book that a reader returns to just to flick to that one line where it dug up an emotion that they can connect to. I am a huge fan of a writer here, because their tone, their style is recognizable regardless of whatever genre they write. For me, when your favourite author publishes a new book, the excitement is not harmed by their last book which you found to be rather dull, but the excitement comes from the expectation of another classic that made you fall in love with their style and storytelling... maybe even what made you want to write in the first place.

To this end, I always encourage people to do reviews of other people's stories. Too many people focus on getting feedback rather than giving it. Getting feedback may help improve a specific story, but it isn't, generally, going to move the needle much in terms of making the author a better writer. We need to discover for ourselves what works and what doesn't, and how to put those lessons into practice

I agree with all this wholeheartedly.

To me, this is a vital part of growing as a writer. To reach any destination, we have to be cognizant of the path that will get us there.

I agree with this a lot.

I am sure many have come across people who have spoken wonders about their ideas, that they have started this amazing story, making great strides when a year or two later, life got in the way, writing is not for them, they have taken up another pursuit, that writing took too much of their time... and they never got past that first post.

I think that whatever stage a writer is at, it is good to see your development with your peers. I review my own 'progress' continually and that is not always the best thing to do but comparing strengthens what I find is good about my writing and strengthens the weaknesses I need to pay for focus on.

 

[That Guy Named Aaron]

If a writer is simply writing, posting, editing based on feedback and posting again, over and over, they are never going to get anywhere. That is the hamster wheel of writing. We have to be our own best critics. We have to be able to recognize what is and isn't working in our own stories if we really want to improve as writers.

Agreed. And some of that comes from being able to learn from constructive criticism and feedback from others. Unfortunately, with that comes the hard part of differentiating good advice/feedback from bad advice/feedback. And that, amigo, is a whole different can 'o' worms and topic/thread we could (and maybe should) start.

 

[big soft moose]

Agreed. And some of that comes from being able to learn from constructive criticism and feedback from others. Unfortunately, with that comes the hard part of differentiating good advice/feedback from bad advice/feedback. And that, amigo, is a whole different can 'o' worms and topic/thread we could (and maybe should) start.

pretty much like this one here https://writingforum.org/threads/how-to-request-great-critique.29/