Marscaleb
New Member
I've got a story I've been working on. At the moment it's episodic; divided into a series of novellas. (I might revise that once I've got more of the story written.) It's a fantasy/alt-history setting.
So I had this idea for a different way to handle a sequence near the end of my second volume, and I can't quite figure out which version I should really use.
I'm afraid this is going to be a lengthy description. I apologize.
In my original version, at the end of the second volume, the main character receives a new medal (silver badge of merit) for her actions within said volume. At various points throughout the story, I have scenes where she reflects on the medal she was awarded at the end of the first volume, (golden valor wings,) which she carries a lot of resentment and guilt toward because of the people she killed. (I was trying to incorporate more symbolism into my writing, so the medal itself worked out very well to use as a symbol for the guilt and pain she's been carrying inside. I have a scene or two where she privately looks at her medal while I indirectly show those emotions.)
After earning her new (silver) medal, she has a strong moment of catharsis, and one of her peers comments about how the new medal seems a bit lackluster compared to her old one, and she replies with stating that she likes the new one better. "This one I got for taking lives, but this one I got for saving them." Then after a scene where I tie up some loose threads the volume ends with a reprise of the earlier scene where she's looking at the medal on her uniform, this time focused on the silver, and she smiles.
Overall I like this version, it works out very well. I even originally tried to title the volume "Gold and Silver" but I had some beta readers who never picked up on the way the title alluded toward her medals; I have since renamed the volume to better match the more visible themes of the story.
But I've had this alternate version running through my head, and I'm left to wonder which makes this the better story.
In my second version, in the awards ceremony, the major presenting the medals steps back before giving the main character anything, and then there is a surprise appearance from a certain general who awards the MC with a second golden valor wings instead of the silver medal. Then afterward, he speaks semi-privately with the MC about her behavior from earlier in this volume. The really important thing to note about this exchange is that this particular general has been building up as a father-figure for the MC. Having him there really helps to build that relationship further.
At the start of the second volume, I have a brief sequence where the general is upset for having missed the award ceremony from the end of the first volume, so getting to present the new medal has a little bit of extra value to him. Also, there was a scene earlier in this volume where I really get to show the two bonding in a father-figure way, but we don't get to see these two together again for quite a while, not until a later volume where they will be meeting in much different circumstances. Having this moment gives a bit of a payout to that development in the very same episode.
Additionally, the scene where he speaks with the MC afterward has a great sequence in it. She is being reprimanded for some notably wrong things she did in the volume, and the general points out how the MC only became an officer because of him, and states "As such, your performance as an officer reflects back on me." This line sets her straight.
And honestly, in the original version, she really didn't receive any proper reprimand for her wrongful actions. She was about to, but it gets interrupted, and we never review her conduct again until she gets a new medal. It has an implied lesson that she did nothing wrong since it never really gets resolved.
I like this second version too. It helps to further build the relationship between these two characters.
But the two versions don't really work well together. It doesn't make sense that she would be awarded a lesser medal if a freaking general is showing up at a base near the front to award it. Honestly, what she did in the second volume was more impactful, and it kind-of doesn't make sense that she only earns the silver medal for it; (but that fact seems easier to overlook in the context of the major issuing it the way he did.) So it just doesn't seem right for her to receive merely the silver medal in the second version.
But then the line about liking this new medal better just doesn't work as well if they are both the same medal. She can still make the comment about liking the new one better, but the statement doesn't bear the same weight as when she is putting more emotional value into the supposed-lesser award. And then the final scene where I reprise her looking at her medal also just doesn't work as well; I can't direct her focus on the second medal as easily by just mentioning "silver." I'd have to either awkwardly specify which of two identical medals she's looking at, or leave room for misinterpretation.
I suppose I could make up a new medal for her to get, but it still doesn't have the same ring to it unless the medal is "supposed to be" a lesser award. A new medal might give the impression that it is a higher award, which ruins the effect of her liking it more. It makes it seem like she's suddenly medal-crazy and just wants the bigger awards.
Outwardly I can see the second version sounding better because it builds more of a relationship, but the first version does a better job of demonstrating the MC's personal growth and change; and isn't that what stories are supposed to do?
So which of these sounds like the better version? The one where we reflect more concisely on the MC's personal growth and change, or the one where I build her relationship with another character?
So I had this idea for a different way to handle a sequence near the end of my second volume, and I can't quite figure out which version I should really use.
I'm afraid this is going to be a lengthy description. I apologize.
In my original version, at the end of the second volume, the main character receives a new medal (silver badge of merit) for her actions within said volume. At various points throughout the story, I have scenes where she reflects on the medal she was awarded at the end of the first volume, (golden valor wings,) which she carries a lot of resentment and guilt toward because of the people she killed. (I was trying to incorporate more symbolism into my writing, so the medal itself worked out very well to use as a symbol for the guilt and pain she's been carrying inside. I have a scene or two where she privately looks at her medal while I indirectly show those emotions.)
After earning her new (silver) medal, she has a strong moment of catharsis, and one of her peers comments about how the new medal seems a bit lackluster compared to her old one, and she replies with stating that she likes the new one better. "This one I got for taking lives, but this one I got for saving them." Then after a scene where I tie up some loose threads the volume ends with a reprise of the earlier scene where she's looking at the medal on her uniform, this time focused on the silver, and she smiles.
Overall I like this version, it works out very well. I even originally tried to title the volume "Gold and Silver" but I had some beta readers who never picked up on the way the title alluded toward her medals; I have since renamed the volume to better match the more visible themes of the story.
But I've had this alternate version running through my head, and I'm left to wonder which makes this the better story.
In my second version, in the awards ceremony, the major presenting the medals steps back before giving the main character anything, and then there is a surprise appearance from a certain general who awards the MC with a second golden valor wings instead of the silver medal. Then afterward, he speaks semi-privately with the MC about her behavior from earlier in this volume. The really important thing to note about this exchange is that this particular general has been building up as a father-figure for the MC. Having him there really helps to build that relationship further.
At the start of the second volume, I have a brief sequence where the general is upset for having missed the award ceremony from the end of the first volume, so getting to present the new medal has a little bit of extra value to him. Also, there was a scene earlier in this volume where I really get to show the two bonding in a father-figure way, but we don't get to see these two together again for quite a while, not until a later volume where they will be meeting in much different circumstances. Having this moment gives a bit of a payout to that development in the very same episode.
Additionally, the scene where he speaks with the MC afterward has a great sequence in it. She is being reprimanded for some notably wrong things she did in the volume, and the general points out how the MC only became an officer because of him, and states "As such, your performance as an officer reflects back on me." This line sets her straight.
And honestly, in the original version, she really didn't receive any proper reprimand for her wrongful actions. She was about to, but it gets interrupted, and we never review her conduct again until she gets a new medal. It has an implied lesson that she did nothing wrong since it never really gets resolved.
I like this second version too. It helps to further build the relationship between these two characters.
But the two versions don't really work well together. It doesn't make sense that she would be awarded a lesser medal if a freaking general is showing up at a base near the front to award it. Honestly, what she did in the second volume was more impactful, and it kind-of doesn't make sense that she only earns the silver medal for it; (but that fact seems easier to overlook in the context of the major issuing it the way he did.) So it just doesn't seem right for her to receive merely the silver medal in the second version.
But then the line about liking this new medal better just doesn't work as well if they are both the same medal. She can still make the comment about liking the new one better, but the statement doesn't bear the same weight as when she is putting more emotional value into the supposed-lesser award. And then the final scene where I reprise her looking at her medal also just doesn't work as well; I can't direct her focus on the second medal as easily by just mentioning "silver." I'd have to either awkwardly specify which of two identical medals she's looking at, or leave room for misinterpretation.
I suppose I could make up a new medal for her to get, but it still doesn't have the same ring to it unless the medal is "supposed to be" a lesser award. A new medal might give the impression that it is a higher award, which ruins the effect of her liking it more. It makes it seem like she's suddenly medal-crazy and just wants the bigger awards.
Outwardly I can see the second version sounding better because it builds more of a relationship, but the first version does a better job of demonstrating the MC's personal growth and change; and isn't that what stories are supposed to do?
So which of these sounds like the better version? The one where we reflect more concisely on the MC's personal growth and change, or the one where I build her relationship with another character?
It's a really subjective thing and none of us know what your vision is.
