What made me unhappy today ?

[Amontillado]

I am undone. I have been duped by a vapid writer.

Tonight, I selected a fine vintage Marie Callander's salisbury steak dinner, which, I might add, is one of my specialties. So much so, I describe it as a spe-she-al-a-tee because even five syllables does pale justice to the culinary tapestry I weave with microwave and toaster oven. I can't take full credit, though. My best epicurean triumphs spring from a Dramamine garnish I learned from a sea cook on a rough passage, years ago.

With experienced flair, I followed instructions. Four minutes, stir the mac and faux cheese, rotate the alleged steak one half turn clockwise, and heat for an additional couple of minutes.

As I was waiting the requisite two minutes for the formerly frozen dinner to cool a little, I realized with despair I'd fallen for something akin to trusting fake AI news.

I rotated the steak 1/2 turn clockwise. I put faith in what I thought was a well researched recipe, carefully avoiding a 1/2 turn counterclockwise.

Too late for rebellion, I realized there is no difference. A half turn in either direction results in the same terminal orientation.

Which is how I feel, now that I've enjoyed my supper. In a terminal orientation. I could dig the box out of the trash to see the "use by" date on my salisbury steak but I'd rather not know.

The Dramamine will kick in shortly, anyway.

 

[CatrionaGrace]

You are seriously strange, Amontillado. I like that in a person.

Widdershins rocks.

 

[Set2Stun]

SCREAM

 

[JT Woody]

SCREAM

View attachment 814

I saw this.
From the picture, it looks like Sparknotes and Cliffnotes.
Teachers would assign this along with the text in middle school

 

[Rath Darkblade]

I am undone. I have been duped by a vapid writer.

Tonight, I selected a fine vintage Marie Callander's salisbury steak dinner, which, I might add, is one of my specialties. So much so, I describe it as a spe-she-al-a-tee because even five syllables does pale justice to the culinary tapestry I weave with microwave and toaster oven. I can't take full credit, though. My best epicurean triumphs spring from a Dramamine garnish I learned from a sea cook on a rough passage, years ago.

With experienced flair, I followed instructions. Four minutes, stir the mac and faux cheese, rotate the alleged steak one half turn clockwise, and heat for an additional couple of minutes.

As I was waiting the requisite two minutes for the formerly frozen dinner to cool a little, I realized with despair I'd fallen for something akin to trusting fake AI news.

I rotated the steak 1/2 turn clockwise. I put faith in what I thought was a well researched recipe, carefully avoiding a 1/2 turn counterclockwise.

Too late for rebellion, I realized there is no difference. A half turn in either direction results in the same terminal orientation.

Which is how I feel, now that I've enjoyed my supper. In a terminal orientation. I could dig the box out of the trash to see the "use by" date on my salisbury steak but I'd rather not know.

The Dramamine will kick in shortly, anyway.

And yet, I achieved a similar feat last week by attempting a home-made recipe. It went as follows:

1. Defrost three chicken cutlets in the fridge;
2. Combine two teaspoons each of mustard, honey and soy sauce into a marinade;
3. Steep the cutlets in the marinade; and
4. Put the cutlets on my trusty George Foreman grill.

The result was interesting and tasty, but my stomach felt like cement afterwards. Maybe the chicken had been in the freezer for too long? Don't know. But at least no need for Dramamine.

SCREAM

View attachment 814

BARF. Whatever 'Magibook' is, I want no part of it.

F*** apps that make books easier. Give me books that make me THINK, goddammit.

I saw this.
From the picture, it looks like Sparknotes and Cliffnotes.
Teachers would assign this along with the text in middle school

Sparknotes and Cliffnotes are one thing. Simplifying the language to the point of absurdity is another.

Spark/Cliff might simplify things, but at least it asks the students questions afterwards to make them do some work. This 'Magibook' is just spoon-feeding. Between this and apps that claim to write your essays for you, no wonder we have college graduates who know nothing.

Please excuse me, I think I need to empty my stomach.

 

[CatrionaGrace]

SCREAM

Oh, good grief.

 

[ps102]

SCREAM

"Maximize your reading potential and avoid difficult language today" sounds like the oxymoron of the century.

 

[JT Woody]

I dropped a stack of metal bookends on my foot yesterday.... today its bruised and stiff. It'd be just my luck i broke my toe.

Occupational hazzard, i guess?
Ugh..... i was wearing combat boots, too....

 

[Homer Potvin]

I dropped a stack of metal bookends on my foot yesterday.... today its bruised and stiff. It'd be just my luck i broke my toe.

Occupational hazzard, i guess?
Ugh..... i was wearing combat boots, too....

Better a break than a torn ligament. Been years since my wife popped a tendon in her toe and even after surgery the thing ain't right. Kind of looks like an erection, if toes could get aroused.

 

[Heartlet Happer]

Wait wait. i have a poem about toe

toes made of bones so slender
the study goes so slow
between caffeinated sips
meek time is past the decadence
aged clavessin is gently touched
by music bender
and quietly it weeps

 

[Amontillado]

Wait wait. i have a poem about toe

toes made of bones so slender
the study goes so slow
between caffeinated sips
meek time is past the decadence
aged clavessin is gently touched
by music bender
and quietly it weeps

I learned a new word.

Take that, evil Magibook!

 

[JT Woody]

I was inspired

This 'Magibook' is just spoon-feeding

SCREAM

Hard Book:
The flames engulfed the steel, a blazing hot inferno that was both sudden and expected. Once the first pedals of fire bloomed, there was not much else anyone could do but retreat and watch. The fire expanded the air trapped inside thick rubber, detonating the tires like four bombs, jolting the frame from side to side. The doors flew from its sides....

Medium Book:
Car go 'BOOM'.

Easy Book:
Michael Bay

 

[CatrionaGrace]

So instead of:

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”​

we'd get

"Things were screwed up back then."

 

[defaux]

SCREAM

What makes me sad about that is... how many people will use it and assume they have 'read' some of the greats of literature? And I don't mean middle school kids, I mean people of an age to call themselves 'adult'.

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted—nevermore!

 

[Amontillado]

Nice signature line!

 

[Rath Darkblade]

So instead of:

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”​

we'd get

"Things were screwed up back then."

Even worse, the entire plot of Pride and Prejudice will now be condensed into this ...

Fitzwilliam Darcy: "Me rich. Wanna get hitched?"
Elizabeth Bennet: "Um, 'k."
Fitzwilliam Darcy: "Later, losers!"
*drives away in a carriage with a "JUST TIED YE OLDE KNOT" sign on (and old cans tied to) the back*



Oh, no. What have I done?! Quick, gimme a shot of something terribly alcoholic. Goodbye, cruel world!

(Yes, cans were invented later than Pride and Prejudice. But hilariously, can-openers were only invented about 50 years after cans ...)

 

[Luxuria]

Even worse, the entire plot of Pride and Prejudice will now be condensed into this ...

Fitzwilliam Darcy: "Me rich. Wanna get hitched?"
Elizabeth Bennet: "Um, 'k."
Fitzwilliam Darcy: "Later, losers!"
*drives away in a carriage with a "JUST TIED YE OLDE KNOT" sign on (and old cans tied to) the back*



Oh, no. What have I done?! Quick, gimme a shot of something terribly alcoholic. Goodbye, cruel world!

(Yes, the Wedding March was written much later than Pride and Prejudice. Cans were invented later, too. But hilariously, can-openers were only invented about 50 years after cans ...)

What? How did people open cans before can openers?!! Sounds like hell.

 

[Rath Darkblade]

What? How did people open cans before can openers?!! Sounds like hell.

With knives and bayonets, of course!

(I'm not kidding. The Napoleonic Wars were the first major conflict to involve hundreds of thousands of soldiers, instead of thousands or tens of thousands. With so many people in conflict, they couldn't just forage for food or steal the wheat from peasants. In 1795, Napoleon offered a prize for food preservation, spurring the French inventors to action.

In 1809, Nicolas Appert developed a method for preserving food in glass jars and bottles. Just a year later, Peter Durand patented the idea of using tin-coated iron containers for preserving food. And in 1813, the first commercial factory for mass-producing cans opened in London, supplying the British Navy.

But it wasn't until 1858 (!) that the first can-opener was invented by Ezra J. Warner. Early cans were opened with hammers and chisels.

By the Late 1800s, steel began replacing iron, and the locking side seam led to the "sanitary can" design. Finally, in 1904, the modern "three-piece can" design emerged.

Speaking of cans, as an Australian reading Terry Pratchett's The Last Continent (in which Rincewind, the world's most inept wizard, visits a not-entirely-fantasy-version of Australia), this quote cracked me up forever:

“Once a moderately jolly wizard camped by a dried-up waterhole under the shade of a tree that he was completely unable to identify. And he swore as he hacked and hacked at a can of beer, saying ‘What kind of idiots put beer in tins?’”

... and now I have Waltzing Matilda stuck in my head. But knowing that it also happened makes it even funnier. Thanks, Terry, you scamp you).

 

[Naomasa298]

The Napoleonic Wars were the first major conflict

The first major European conflict, perhaps.

 

[Rath Darkblade]

The first major European conflict, perhaps.

I apologise, I stand corrected. I assume you refer to the Achaemenid invasions of Greece, or the campaigns of Chandragupta Maurya? Or perhaps the Warring States period in China?

But although ancient numbers are impressive, I can't help but ask: how could such vast armies be supported in the field? Yes, you could take baggage trains with you, or transport food by sea, or forage for food, or confiscate wheat and livestock from peasants. But could this feed hundreds of thousands on the move, every single day? The logistics are staggering. Caesar or Alexander were good at it, but others (Varus, Crassus, or Caepio at Arausio) were abysmal.

To return to canned food, it was simply a 'modern' answer to an ancient problem: how to keep a large army in the field without the soldiers starving.