Share your first three sentences

[DLC]

No it's fine, I agree with you. It's just that I (and you) know how things work out there. The average city person doesn't.

 

[Trish]

No it's fine, I agree with you. It's just that I (and you) know how things work out there. The average city person doesn't.

That is a point I can't argue lol. Perhaps I trust readers too much

 

[DLC]

That is a point I can't argue lol. Perhaps I trust readers too much

Yeah, I know it's a bit repetitive, but is it repetitive in a good way? Would it be noticeable if one read it without trying to find the flaw? That's what I really need to get around.

 

[Trish]

Yeah, I know it's a bit repetitive, but is it repetitive in a good way? Would it be noticeable if one read it without trying to find the flaw? That's what I really need to get around.

I can only say that I read a *lot* and I always approach any writing from a readers perspective. I only mention it if it trips me up and makes me go wait - what now? And I reverse to see why I tripped. I have never - not once in my life - approached a crit or edit of any kind with a Oops that was telling, oh should've added a verb, where's the comma?. why the hell are there so many commas, etc. perspective. Not ever. My brain doesn't work that way. I'm strictly flow, feel, and intuition. So... do with that what you will I guess lol. It tripped me up and I went back to figure out why. That's all I've got

 

[That Guy Named Aaron]

God Bless, Chapter 1

He wasn't a fan of temperatures that began with a minus sign. Even less when the heater in the car didn’t work. Chris’s teeth chattered away like there was no tomorrow, nearly drowning out the syrupy White Lion ballad on the radio.

God Bless, Chapter 2

What Chris would've given for a candy bar or a bag of chips. The hunger pangs clawed at him, louder and more intense. The snickers of the other students around him added to his discomfort.