In the days since I started this thread, I learned we were being kind of elastic in how we defined loglines in the thread we had going in WFs.org, and I've perpetuated the inaccuracy here.
Contrary to what I thought, a logline is aimed at a producer, publisher, etc., at the beginning of a project, not at the ultimate consumer of it (though it can help with promotion when the time comes). Meant to be read rather than heard, it's comprised of the Main Character(s), the Inciting Incident, the Goal, and the Stakes, in whatever order best gets the point across.
Like this:
When Main Character suffers Inciting Incident, he must achieve Goal, or else Stakes.
Unlike the thing I'm trying to generate, it's designed to tell the one being pitched what they're likely to find in your screenplay, etc., so they can decide if they want to back it.
What I'm really after is a verbal answer to the grassroots question, "What's your book about?" I want to give enough info to intrigue the potential reader, but not so much that it gives away the show. "Two struggling young architects turn down what looks like the commission of a lifetime, but the diabolical would-be client isn't taking no for an answer" has served me pretty well for the first novel in the series. It's got the Main Characters and the Inciting Incident, but the Goal and the Stakes are implied, only. That's how I want it. I want the potential reader to fill in the blanks for him or herself.
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